Top 5 - Maybe You Should Have Gone With An Animal
5. Columbia Crew (MLS) – I can’t believe this is soccer’s first appearance in a series dedicated to all that is mockable in the sporting world. Actually most soccer teams have avoided this salute because they tend to just go with FC (unimaginative, yes. mockable, no). But Columbia (in their infinite wisdom) decided to buck the trend and use their imagination (though I use the term extremely loosely in this case). Though it defies logic, in trying to set themselves apart from the FCs of the world, they actually managed to come up with an even less imaginative team name. Though I guess we should expect nothing less from soccer players.4. Greensville Groove (defunct NBA D-League) – You deserve to be a defunct franchise if groove is the best you can come up with. Maybe they got complacent.
3. Tri-Cities Fever (AF2) – The only cure for this bad name is more cowbell.
2. Bakersfield Jam (NBA D-League) – If I didn’t know this was a basketball team I would assume it was a product my mom would buy at the supermarket. Any sports team that can cross-promote itself with something I put on my morning toast deserves my mockery.
Winner: Roanoke Dazzle (defunct NBA D-League) –
Acceptable uses for the term Dazzle include children’s dolls, strippers and female gladiators. Not sports teams.