Carefree Mockery

It’s been a long time since Rider fans haven’t had to care about the outcome of the division semi-finals… and you have to go back even farther to find a time when are reason for not caring didn’t involve an embarrassing season that was mercifully already over. That’s definitely not the case this time around. The Riders are on a bye week after finishing in 1^st for the first time since the Fonz ruled the airwaves. Eeey!

With the Riders off this week awaiting the winner of the Stamps and Esks (and me really not caring about who wins this weekend), I get to devote more space then usual to mocking other teams. So let’s get right to it…

We’ll start in the east where the Ti-Cats host the Lions. The Lions and their winningest coach have gone from perennial lock to win the West to being relegated to squeaking into the playoffs via crossover. Meanwhile, the Ti-Cats have gone from perennial punch line to half decent team, which in the atrocious East, is good enough to coast to second place… unless of course you’re stupid enough to repeatedly start Quinton Porter. But seriously who would be that dumb? … Oh wait… awkward.

The way things are going for the Lions, they may have to spend this week’s practices implementing an all-wildcat offense… they certainly can’t count on anyone being able to actually throw the ball. Apparently Printers will start (despite his injured thumb), backed up by Lulay (despite his injured should), backed up by Champion (who must really suck to be healthy and still only the 3^rd option behind an injured thumb and bad shoulder). I really think the Lions are covering up the severity of the injury to Printers’ thumb. Their whole QB situation reminds me a lot of this. I expect bad throws and repeated fumbles (much like when Printers was a Ti-cat). In a cruel twist of fate, the man who is famous for finding an endless supply of future all-star QBs will be done in by a QB stable that is either too injured or too stupid (and in some cases both) to salvage his season.

I never thought I’d see the day where in a battle between Buono and Bellefeuille, I would be favouring Bellefeuille and mocking Buono… it’s like I’ve stumbled into some sort of Bizarro world. What’s next? A “Bring Back James Johnson” post on my blog? (*Rest assured that the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Detroit Lions will win championships in the same year well before I consider writing such a post).

We then move onto the battle of Alberta, where the Esks take on the Stamps for the right to lose to the Riders next week. Henry Burris will no doubt be near tears over being passed over for both team MOP and Western All-Star nominations and we all know that when Burris doesn’t feel he’s getting enough respect, he goes out and tries to make himself look like a hero, which leads to the ball ending up in Reynolds’ hands very little and the defender’s hands quite a bit. It also leads to embarrassing displays such as this.

As for the Esks, I haven’t been sold on them from day 1. I just don’t think they are that good and their .500 record is very flattering. If their final 3 games of the season hadn’t been the Argos twice and the QB-less Lions, they would probably have missed the playoffs. Their pass coverage is as useful as Jesse Lumsden’s shoulder and that’s a concern when facing Burris. Not to mention that if you take away Fred Stamps, the Esks have a pretty sad looking set of receivers. Arkee Whitlock is a very lucky man. Any other coach would have cut him on the spot after his atrocious debut but Richie Hall (being the good guy that he is) stuck with him and is reaping the benefits of his decision. The Esks now have a credible running attack for the first time in the Maciocia era.

I picture this game being an offensive shootout with less defense than most All-Star games. Ray gives the Esks a legit shot at winning any game but I’m going to stick with my belief that the Esks just aren’t that good of a team and say I expect to see the Stamps back here next week.

And of course no mockery of other teams would be complete without talking about the Winnipeg Blue Bombers.

Their season may be over but the hilarious news just keeps flowing. Mike Kelly got an early start on pissing away next season by announcing that he wants to bring Michael Bishop to training camp next season. Look, we all know that I highly favour the move because Bishop is pretty much a lock to do something hilariously stupid on a weekly basis and making fun of those occurrences is way easier than putting effort into writing something else that is funny… but come on Mike Kelly, this is dumb even for you. If the season filled with interceptions that were only outnumbered by incompletion or completing only 8 passes when the season was on the line weren’t a red flag that maybe you should look elsewhere if your future plans involve winning… maybe the time he knocked himself unconscious on his own blocker should have been!!

The only thing that would make this situation funnier is if Kelly signs Bishop to an extension then turns around and announces the signing of Kerry Joseph the same day.

Enjoy a stress free weekend because next week is going to be off the charts as we head into the West Final in Saskatchewan.

Monday Morning Sentimonies: We’re #1!

Riders 30 – Stampeders 14

In honour of finishing first in the west for the first time in 33 years, I decided to celebrate by also doing something that hasn’t happened in a really long time… posting Monday Morning Sentimonies on a Monday in the morning (lately it seems I settle for one or the other). I blame the chronic procrastination and laziness I’ve developed. Fortunately, in this day and age of non-discrimination and human rights, you’re not allowed to discriminate against me based on a medical condition.

It still doesn’t seem quite real. I mean I was there, I saw us win but the idea that we actually managed to win first hasn’t fully sunk in yet. Up until now the idea that we’d ever live to see the Riders finish first again was about as ridiculous as the idea that Michael Bishop was a good QB (more on that later).

Saturday’s game was the biggest regular season game in years and fortunately the Riders realized the importance of the game and came to play accordingly. Durant was the poised leader we needed him to be. He made good decisions and controlled the ball. Not surprisingly that led to a good offensive output. His main target was Andy Fantuuuuz who was a first down machine. Getzlaf continued his legacy of being a Stampeder killer. The run game was even half decent… I didn’t say great but at least it was good for something beyond the 1 yard run up the middle we’ve grown accustomed to.

I was most impressed with the defense. They stepped up against a very potent Calgary offense and limited them to only 1 TD. Yeah Reynolds seemed to run all over us but that will happen against the best RB in the league. We kept him out of the endzone though (which we couldn’t do last time we played the Stamps). Most importantly, they flustered Henry Burris which predictably led to a Stampeder offense that was about as potent as the average senior’s home resident. We didn’t force a lot of turnovers but still kept the Stamps in check. On that note: when did we amend the “illegal contact” rule to mean it is illegal for a defender to contact a ball thrown by Henry Burris and intercept it? Seriously that 2nd INT should have counted.

Another Rider performance that I think deserves mention is Jason Clermont. While he was, as usual, relatively absent from the stat sheet he did get involved in other ways. One was tossing around Burke Dales as he tried to get involved in a punt coverage (and beaking him just for good measure) and the other was inconspicuously joining the Stampeder huddle at the end of the game to figure out what kind of kick they were going to run. Not what you’d normally expect from a receiver but useful nonetheless.

The game had its stressful moments but the fact that we never trailed at any point during the game made things a lot easier on my heart than I expected. Probably a good thing though that it got a light week because I’m going to need everyone ounce of strength left in the old ticker to survive our first West Final on home turf since I’ve been alive.

Rest up Saskatchewan, in 2 weeks time the Riders take to the field, only one win away from a trip to the Grey Cup. Man that sounds good to say!

Around the CFL…
Winnipeg learned the hard way what happens when you hinge your season on the success of Michael Bishop. With the season on the line, Bishop managed to complete only 8 passes to his own players and 2 more to Hamilton players as the Bombers had their season ended by losing big to the Ti-Cats. Granted he didn’t get much help from Adarius Bowman (who played like he way high as a kite… and probably was) but still Bishop sucks. He can now add Winnipeg to the list of football teams whose season’s he has ruined. For the record, when the Bombers saw Bishop put his jersey on backwards while dressing for the game, they should have realized they were screwed.

As a fan of the game, I hope that GMs across the league can finally agree that Bishop is terrible and should never be called again. However as a fan of mocking Bishop, I hope there’s one stupid/desperate GM left out there who will give him one more shot.

Speaking of desperation and QBs… how about those Lions?!? Already having Jarious and Lulay out with shoulder injuries, they had to endure Printers injuring his thumb in the first quarter and Buck Pierce hurting his shoulder (again/still/this is just getting ridiculous) before halftime. That led to Zac Champion (though in name only) getting thrust into action and losing miserably. I love the irony in Wally Buono who has always had a long line of future all-star QBs, now being barely able to find one solitary QB healthy enough to finish the season. Someone should check his cholesterol levels.

Riders vs. Stamps: First Place Showdown

The year was 1976, Pierre Trudeau was Prime Minister; the first Rocky movie dominated the box office; Iceland and the UK ended the infamous Cod War (that was a relief); Apple Computers, the Toronto Blue Jays and U2 were formed… 2 of the 3 went on to be highly successful while, with the exception of a mysterious 2 year span of success, the other settled into the perennial failure that Toronto sports teams are famous for. But more importantly (and I know you’re asking yourself what could possibly be more important than a war over cod)… ’76 was the last time that the Riders finished first in the West Division.

Saturday night the Riders have a chance to do it again.

The Riders and Stamps square off in a winner takes all showdown on Saturday. For the curling enthusiasts among you, the situation in the west is essentially a page playoff system now. 1^st and 2^nd place square off with the winner advancing directly to the final while the loser will play the winner of the 3-4 game for a second chance at qualifying for the final. The stakes are higher than that airship that Teddy Ruxpin and his comrades used to fly around in. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.

The Stamps come into this game on somewhat of a hot streak, having lost only 1 of their previous 6 games. The Riders have lost only 1 of their past 4 games (unfortunately that 1 loss was a defeat about as embarrassing as the time that Man in the Bush violated that poor fan's watermelon helmet in celebration of our last win in Calgary).

Offensively the Stamps are loaded with weapons. Joffrey Reynolds is the top RB in the league, Rombie Bryant is enjoying a big resurgence, Jeremaine Copeland and fat ass Lewis are dangerous and of course Burris is a dual threat under center (by that I mean he can be dangerous to both his opponents and his own team). The thing with the Stampeders is that despite an arsenal of offensive weapons, the key to their success lies with one guy… Reynolds. They have only lost twice when he has exceeded 100 yards rushing but have struggled when he doesn’t. That’s a big concern because a) the Riders aren’t that good at stopping RBs in general and b) the Riders are even worse at stopping Reynolds specifically (he has amassed 242 yds and 3 TDs along the ground against us in 2 games).

Defensively the Stamps are not really that impressive. This is partially due to complete instability. After winning the Grey Cup based on strong defensive play they pretty much replaced every starter over the offseason. Then they realized that that group sucked and replaced most of them by midseason… and seem to have replaced a bunch a people again once more just for fun. They feature 2 of the most overrated defensive players in the league in Brandon Browner and Tim Johnson (who is as useless as Viagra to a unick in pass coverage). They aren’t a terrible unit but as we showed last time, they can be exploited for big yards. Not to mention they rank among the worst in the league in sacks and INTs. Surprising as it may be though they are one of the most penalized teams in the league.

Despite an embarrassing performance last week, the Riders have some things working in their favour this week. Lance Frazier will be back in the line-up to help solidify things in the secondary. Gerran Walker is healthy again and his speed should help open up our passing game. Also the flu bug seems to have worked its way through the team so they should now be able to focus on the game as opposed to the location of the nearest garbage can, toilet or opposing player’s helmet.

The keys to the game are simple. Defensively we need to eliminate Reynolds and keep Henry in the pocket. When Reynolds can’t bail him out and Burris can’t escape the pocket and run himself, he starts to make mistakes and against a defense that is #2 against the pass and #2 in takeways, I like our odds of success. So Etch I’m begging you, please, please, please do something to stop the run… I would suggest doing the exact opposite of what you did the last time we faced Reynolds.

Offensively, we need Darian Durant to show up. At his best Double D makes clutch throws, controls the ball and puts up points. At his worst he makes me wonder when we re-signed Nealon Greene and made him our starter again. He needs to have his head in the game from the first snap and take command of the offense. Other than a couple games that I’ll assume were flukes, the Riders haven’t had a relevant ground game for most of the season so yet again I’m going to go ahead and assume we won’t suddenly discover how to run this week, so it’ll be up to Durant and the receivers to chew up yards. The bonus will be if Durant starts playing well it will make Burris jealous meaning he will quit handing off the ball and try to be the hero (which as history shows, leads to tragically hilarious results).

This is by far the biggest regular season game played at Mosaic in a long, long time. Win and we are only one more win away from getting to the Grey Cup. The energy at the stadium will be off the charts (much like my heart rate). Traditionally, the Riders aren’t a team that does well with seizing opportunity in the regular season but I believe this year will be different. They will come out fired up in front of the home crowd and fight hard for 60 minutes (yes we will even show up for the 3^rd quarter). The Riders have that precious first week bye in their grasp and they will no let it slip away.

Riders by a Luca Congi field goal in the final minute of play. (Hopefully someone sitting near me is trained in first aid and CPR because I will be in absolute shambles if it goes down as I predict).

One last bit of Rider news for you…

It seems former Rider Yo Murphy is enjoying his retirement (and enjoying may be an understatement). Yo has landed himself a job as the head coach of the Tampa Bay Breeze of the newly formed Lingerie Football League. The man played in the Super Bowl, won 2 Grey Cups and a World Bowl and now he is spending his retirement coaching scantily clad hot women… I am insanely jealous. I wonder if he needs an athletic trainer, equipment manager or massage therapist to help him out. What I lack in actual qualifications, I will more than make up for in enthusiasm.

On This Day In Roughrider History: Cheaters Always Prosper

The playoffs are just around the corner, so for today’s installment of “On This Day In Roughrider History” I though I would take a look back at some Roughrider playoff history.

Cheating is generally something we would expect from the likes of the BC Lions, Chinese gymnastics teams, French judges or a wife who is a dirty, dirty tramp. While the Riders were never as blatant cheaters as the others, they too have on occasion shall we say done things that may not be entirely on the level to win football games.

On this date back in 1956 the Saskatchewan Roughriders won the West-Semi final over the Winnipeg Blue Bombers because an astute Rider waterboy found Winnipeg’s playbook before the game and gave it to coach Frank Filchock.

Now there are 3 lessons to be learned from this piece of Rider lore. The first is that good things happen to those who cheat (write that down kids). The second is that people from Winnipeg are stupid. The third is that, much like movies have taught us, given the chance, a waterboy can single-handedly lead a football team to victory.

Monday Morning Sentimonies: Mailed It In

Riders 6 – Ti-Cats 24

In retrospect there were many signs during Saturday’s game that this wasn’t going to be our day. One could point to the TSN turning point occurring very early in the first quarter when Durant fumbled the ball on a botched play action. One could point to the fact that that was just one of 3 turnovers Durant committed in his first 9 plays. One could point to Chris Jones being our offensive MVP and the focal point of our offense on those exciting 5 yards patterns (he even added a defensive tackle to boot). But for me the biggest sign was that across the board there was a huge lack of intensity and effort.

After spending the whole week assuring us their focus was on the Ti-Cats, I think we can now call BS because you can’t tell me that after turning in a performance like that that the Riders weren’t overlooking Hamilton and thinking about the Calgary game this week.

With the exception of Armstead, nobody seemed to have their heads the game. Durant seemed to celebrate Halloween by dressing up as Michael Bishop. The O-line joined in the spirit of the season by dressing up as bag boys… they were handing out sacks like their pay-check depended on it. The defense donned their BC Lions costumes and proceeded to make the very mediocre DeAndra Cobb look like an all-star RB. Even the usually reliable Rob Bagg appeared to dress up as Dylan Ching. There was just nothing positive about that performance. It was just plain ugly.

Speaking of ugly, this is of course the perfect segue into a discussion about the Hamilton cheerleaders. Now this group isn’t exactly the most attractive ensemble at the best of times but for some odd season they decided this week to step it up a notch and dress up as zombies. To be fair though while the attire and make-up somehow managed to make the group look worse, in a few cases it actually made a couple of them more attractive (you know, relatively speaking).

Other random thoughts on the game…
- Congi sure has a knack for finding the uprights on long FG attempts.

- Was it “Red Plastic Bag Day” at Ivor Wynne?! I mistook a floating bag as a penalty flag early in the game but it seemed that a new one would waft down the field every couple minutes.

- What ever happened to Neal Hughes?? Last year he put up 7 TDs and was a versatile weapon and an important part of our offense. This year he received his first and only offensive touch on Saturday. We’ve given multiple touches to Szarka so why not show Hughes some love?

- Yes I realize the irony in complaining that a FB other than Szarka is not getting the ball enough. Maybe Hughes just needs to run for city council.

It was a very disappointing performance but fortunately it ended up not mattering much in the grand scheme of things. With Calgary beating BC, we have clinched our 3^rd straight home playoff game. It comes down to this Saturday’s game against the Stamps to determine if it’s yet another West-Semi or the first West Final since 1976.

I am officially placing all first aid personnel at Mosaic Stadium on notice that I’m not sure my heart will be able to take the stress of that game and I will likely require medical attention at some point.

Riders vs. Hamilton

Saturday the Riders (9-6-1) travel to Hamilton to take on the Ti-Cats (7-9) in a contest that is very important for both teams for different reasons. The Riders can clinch their 3^rd straight home-playoff game with a win, while the Ti-Cats need to win to stay in contention for a playoff spot (and possibly even a home playoff game).

Normally discussion about Hamilton involves heavy mockery of coach Marcel Bellefeuille but for awhile there it looked this year would be different (much to my dismay). After a brutal first game, the Bellefeuille-led Ti-Cats won 4 of their next 5 games and we’re essentially a lock for 2^nd place in the East. Bellefeuille was even being discussed as a potential Coach of the Year Candidate (again, much to my dismay). But just as things were finally looking up for the beleaguered Hamilton fans Marcel remembered just who he was and proceeded to resume coaching as effectively has he had done in his previous coaching stints in the league (i.e. terribly) en route to losing 7 of their next 9 games and ending up in a battle with the Bombers to even make the playoffs.

To be fair, unlike in the past, Bellefeuille only made 1 mistake this time… problem is it was a pretty big mistake. I’m talking of course about Quinton Porter. Anyone who has watched him play this season can tell that he’s played terribly. Anyone that is, but Marcel. Despite Porter’s repeated turnovers, microscopic offensive production and being responsible for 2 of the abysmal Argos’ 3 wins, Marcel inexplicably decided to stick with him. Kevin Glenn must be wondering why Marcel hates him so much. When they were both in Regina, Glenn was kept on the sidelines in favour of Nealon Greene, and now in Hamilton he was benched again in favour of someone who can only dream of playing like Nealon. Simply put, if Bellefeuille had been smart enough to name Glenn as the starter sooner, the Ti-Cats would have clinched a home-playoff game. Then again, smart is not a word generally associated with Bellefeuille’s coaching (the preferred words tend to be laughingstock, brutal, ineffective and failed shot-gun draw on 2^nd and long).

Onto the game…

While much hype has been generated over rookie RB DeAndra Cobb, I happen to think he’s insanely overrated. If you take away his 2 monster games against BC (because let’s face it, other than us everyone runs over BC’s terrible run D), he is averaging only 55 yds/game and has only 2 rushing TDs. Tell me why that is so exciting? A mediocre RB and non-mobile QB mean that the run is not a huge concern for the Riders this week.

There is only one thing to fear about the Hamilton offense and that is Arland Bruce. He is the focal point of their passing attack and a threat to score on every play. If you can control him you’re only left with feared names such as Dave Stala, Drisan James and the scoring machine known as Corey Grant. Problem is controlling Bruce is a difficult task at the best of times… let alone when your most experienced HB is injured.

By now I’m sure you’ve heard that Eddie Davis will have to undergo surgery after suffering a torn meniscus is his knee in the 1^st quarter of last game and is out for the foreseeable future. That is a big blow to the team heading down the stretch. The good news, at least, is that Lance Frazier should be back on the field this week. Chris McKenzie looked alright for his first start so I’m hoping that with Frazier back and a full week of practice for McKenzie that we won’t allow another 300 yards through the air.

The keys to the game are fairly simple. Defensively we need to stop Bruce. The Ti-Cat O-line has given up the 3^rd most sacks so we need to take advantage of that to disrupt Glenn’s passes. Even with Bruce, the Ti-Cats are still among the lowest scoring teams in the league, so if Frazier, McKenzie and the rest of the secondary can step up it will make for a rough night for Glenn (expect Chick and Baggs to add to their sack totals).

Offensively, the key will be ball control. Durant has proven he can put up points so as long as he keeps the ball out of the defenders hands I see another good game for him. The Ti-Cats don’t allow a lot of points but they can be exploited with an aggressive yet balanced attack.

The Riders seem to be hitting their stride at the right time of the season. With a chance to clinch a home playoff game for the 3^rd year in a row I expect the Riders to come out strong.

Riders by an Andy Fantuz TD in a close game.

One last note…

It seems that former Rider Kennedy Nkeyasen has gotten himself in some trouble. He allegedly broke into his ex-girlfriends house and beat up her new boyfriend. Poor guy… whether its covering people on the football field or satisfying women it seems there is always someone who is better qualified than Nkeyasen.

Monday Morning Sentimonies: Overtime Again

Riders 33 – Lions 30

16 games into the season, the decision to play James Patrick at safety finally paid off. Hazah!

I won’t lie, following the Durant pick 6, I wasn’t very optimistic about our chances (fortunately I wasn’t dumb enough to leave the stadium and miss another amazing finish). Even in OT, the Lions seemed to be moving the ball at will and it looked like they were poised to score a game winning TD. Then along comes James Patrick to snag the game winning interception. To be fair I will give the assist to Omarr Morgan on that one as he managed to get away with a level of contact on Geroy Simon that would generally require a home pregnancy test the next morning.

The way the finish unfolded, I think it’s safe to say that no less than 5 years of my life expectancy were lost. I can take excitement, I can take disappointment and I can take anger but it’s the quick back and forths that are killing me. Its times like that when I wonder how Wally Buono manages. What with his cholesterol issues and all.

If there was ever a worse game to lose both our start HBs this was it. Facing the top slotback combination in the league and seeing Chris McKenzie having to get the start for Lance Frazier (who was hospitalized with severe dehydration due to the flu) was somewhat concerning. Then seeing Eddie Davis get hurt leaving us with McKenzie and Tad Kornegay as the guys tasked to keep them in check was scary to say the least. It predictably led to a big game for Simon but all things considered it could have gone a lot worse (though it appeared that any 2^nd and long situation was an automatic BC first down).

It didn’t help that we were facing a QB with an amazing ability to escape pressure and throw on the run (which I warned would be dangerous). I knew before the game that Printer’s was by far BC’s best QB (even if the others were healthy) and he went out and proved it. While that game losing INT was classic Printers circa 2007, the rest of the game was more Printers circa 2004 – mobile, elusive and strong armed. BC is a better team with him under centre heading down the stretch. I wonder if he gave himself one of his famous motivational speeches before the game.

Much like my heart rate, Durant seemed to bounce up and down, flat line and eventually recover. There were times when the offense was frustratingly ineffective but when it mattered most Durant did not disappoint. He seems to be able to drive for a game tying TD and 2 poitn covert at will (now if he could just learn to do this before the 4^th quarter we’d be set). Unlike last year when our QB was our biggest liability heading into the playoffs, this year it appears to be one of our strengths. I have been saying Rob Bagg is a monster for a while now and hopefully you have now joined me as proud Bagg supporters.

Man that Sudoku kid can kick! I will definitely miss the Juggernaut but Sakoda seems to be a more than capable replacement as he was booming those kickoffs. Now I just need to see him punt. If the hype on this kid is accurate (and we all know that’s always the case), he should be able to hit City Hall… with his left foot… blind folded… into the wind… while making pancakes. It appears as though Luca Congi has decided to take over as our overly aggressive kicker in Boreham’s absence as evidenced but the hit he threw on the first return. That last FG attempt in the 4^th was a heart breaker; he had the leg but was just inches too far left. Despite his 2 misses, I’m still confident in his abilities to hit the clutch kicks come playoff time… provided he grows a dirty playoff moustache.

Armstead turned in another fine performance and it feels as though it’s only a matter of time before he finds the endzone. To be fair the refs blatantly missed an illegal block call on the one long return… but that was definitely a make-up call as they also missed a blatant illegal block on BC on the previous kick which led to a long return. Still Armstead has managed to turn a return game where maintaining possession and not losing yards was considered a massive victory to one were we are now expecting good returns every time.

I would also like to give props to our O-line. BC leads the CFL in sacks and had managed 11 sacks in our previous 3 meetings but the hoggies came to play and did not allow a sack. Even the run game was half decent… which is a monumental increase over the normal ineffective we’ve come to expect when we face BC.

It wasn’t pretty but we certainly got our money’s worth and for once the Riders are managing not to choke with 1^st place on the line. For now I will focus on resting my heart because I have a feeling that the November 7^th game against the Stampeders with 1^st place on the line will take its toll on the old ticker.