Friday, February 24, 2012

Lingerie Football League Coming to Regina

Normally when “football” and “bra” are found in the same news headline we just assume that Henry Burris had another one of his infamous Birthday Bachelor Parties forCancer Research. But believe it or not there was actually a news story involving both football and lingerie that didn’t involve Henry (at least not yet).

The LFL, Lingerie Football League, announced that Regina had been awarded a franchise. Along with BC and Toronto, the Regina team will make up part of a new northern expansion conference.

At first I thought this had to be some sort of joke. I mean this province is so resistant to anything that didn’t exist in 1940 that we are vehemently opposed to daylight savings time and still think its wrong to allow alcohol to be served in places where women are taking there clothes off… like a gym change room (I’m kidding). Turns out this is no joke. We are actually getting an LFL team. Once I found that out I quickly began looking into where I can apply to be the team’s athletic trainer or equipment manager. Better yet, I want to be their Director of Scouting.

I really don’t see this concept working here in Regina and I’m not even talking about getting fans to the games (which will be its own struggle). The entire concept of the LFL is based on finding a dozen or so women who meet all 3 of the following criteria: 1- Attractive (in the words of the LFL commissioner “you can’t be 5’2 and 240”… he also added that “rounder women might be offended”…. Yeah he sounds like a real charmer) 2- Can actually play football (and not just football but contact football) and 3-  are willing to objectify themselves in front of a crowd. You could maybe find a bunch that meet 2 out of 3 but the supply of women who meet all 3 is going to be pretty limited. In a big city like LA or Tampa Bay I don’t doubt you can find enough of them but this is Saskatchewan. We so small that I’m pretty sure I’ve met 75% of the people that live here and none strike me as the LFL type. So that means we are either going to have to start importing some talent or settle for a team with a couple 8’s and some 4s and 5s filling out the roster.

I guess we will have to wait and see. In the mean time they are having a contest to name the team which we are all invited to participate in. Man I wish I could see some of the suggestions they are going to get.  As one of the foremost authorities on football in this province (self proclaimed of course) I figured I should provide some suggestions on team names.

Obviously we should shoot for a name that reflects our province and our heritage. Options there include the Regina Hoes (as a tribute to our agricultural heritage), the Regina Flatlands (in reference to our topography), or the Regina Dancers (after this city’s “finest” strip club). Or you could borrow the Cougars name from the U of R (though that would only make sense if the players were older). I suppose depending on what kind of women we recruit for our team Huskies would also be an option but something tells me that might hurt marketing efforts.
The best suggestion I’ve heard so far is to call them the Regina Monologues. (I just wish I could take credit for it… instead I just stole it, that’s the Prophet Way)


Anonymous said...

Having seen the Vancouver tryouts I think you'll be surprised. I bet the turnout will be low however the quality of football athlete in Vancouver was shockingly high. Worth your time to check out just to dispell the myths about it.

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