Monday, March 31, 2008

A Series Of Outrageous Claims

For today’s post, I decided I would make 4 outrageous claims about my blog and then try to prove the validity of those claims. As you can tell there’s no football news but then again if you were looking for actual news you wouldn’t be here in the first place.

The Rider Prophet can save you 15% on your car insurance
The more time you spend reading this blog, the less time you will be driving thereby reducing the chances of getting in a costly accident. However, if you want even more savings, follow the Rider Prophet’s patented advice… sell your car. Then you will save 100% on your car insurance.

The Rider Prophet is bigger than Jesus
Research will tell you that people today are taller than our ancestors were. Plus when you consider that Jesus, back in those days, would not have had access to food with the same ease that I do nor would it have been in the same quantity, it’s reasonable assume he would have been far skinnier that me.

The Rider Prophet can reunite you with your estranged father
Given the sheer number of children I may have unknowingly fathered over the years, odds are good that some kid out there will read this blog and figured out that I’m their dad and we will reunite.

This blog is better than sex
Even I didn’t think I could substantiate this claim but hear me out… If you’re a fast reader no one will make fun of you, the size of your computer hardware doesn’t matter, you don’t have to make me breakfast in the morning (though I wouldn’t turn it down), there’s no risk of STDs or pregnancy involved with reading my blog, you don’t have to get me drunk to read my blog, if you read this blog once and never do it again no one will call you a slut. These last two reasons only apply to some people (but hey, I don’t judge): Prophet doesn’t charge by the hour and won’t lead to possible jail time.


Anonymous said...

Here's one for you Prophet... I bet you can't prove that you were the reason that the Internet was invented.

Rider Prophet said...

Well when you think about it, the internet was created so that enlightened people could transfer information to others in different locations. So, while the internet wasn’t created for me individually, it was enlightened people such as myself that necessitated its development (it’s really simple, supply and demand)… though to be fair a compelling case can probably be made that pornography was the real reason the internet was invented and the whole enlightened people transferring information was just a clever cover story.

Celular said...

Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Celular, I hope you enjoy. The address is A hug.

Craig said...

Congratulations on the "likeable" post Prophet! :)

Rider Prophet said...

I think I'm more impressed with the "hug".

Craig said...

It's a cultural thing.

Anonymous said...

amazing stuff thanx :)