For today’s post, I decided I would make 4 outrageous claims about my blog and then try to prove the validity of those claims. As you can tell there’s no football news but then again if you were looking for actual news you wouldn’t be here in the first place.
The Rider Prophet can save you 15% on your car insurance
The more time you spend reading this blog, the less time you will be driving thereby reducing the chances of getting in a costly accident. However, if you want even more savings, follow the Rider Prophet’s patented advice… sell your car. Then you will save 100% on your car insurance.
The Rider Prophet is bigger than Jesus
Research will tell you that people today are taller than our ancestors were. Plus when you consider that Jesus, back in those days, would not have had access to food with the same ease that I do nor would it have been in the same quantity, it’s reasonable assume he would have been far skinnier that me.
The Rider Prophet can reunite you with your estranged father
Given the sheer number of children I may have unknowingly fathered over the years, odds are good that some kid out there will read this blog and figured out that I’m their dad and we will reunite.
This blog is better than sex
Even I didn’t think I could substantiate this claim but hear me out… If you’re a fast reader no one will make fun of you, the size of your computer hardware doesn’t matter, you don’t have to make me breakfast in the morning (though I wouldn’t turn it down), there’s no risk of STDs or pregnancy involved with reading my blog, you don’t have to get me drunk to read my blog, if you read this blog once and never do it again no one will call you a slut. These last two reasons only apply to some people (but hey, I don’t judge): Prophet doesn’t charge by the hour and won’t lead to possible jail time.