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Twas just
about the kickoff and Prophet did curse
“I almost
forgot to do my predictions in verse!”
The fans
will be wondering “what is the deal?
How we gonna
do this year? What do you feel?”
I really
need an assistant to whom I can delegate
And whom,
when the predictions suck, I can then defenestrate
But alas the
last of the budget was spent on rye
So let me
chug that bottle back and give this a try
So here are
my predictions with rhyme but no reason
On what
should be an exciting CFL season
We ditched
both coordinators gone Cortez and Hall
We brought
in Chapdelaine who might actually pass the ball
Both were
good at what they do but no longer a fit
Cortez in
particular many won’t miss a bit
He ran the
same run play even when we were losin’
He thought
Tino was useless… can’t disagree with that conclusion
Gone Heenan,
Gone Peters, Gone Woldu and Hughes
Gone Chad Kilgore… see it’s not all bad news
We’ve shored
up our LBs and brought in Glenn to allay fear
We’ve got
actual receivers not the bums who started last year
Our defense
will by imposing led by the front 4
To the top
of sack count will this unit soar
We will give
up lots of yards and that will make some pout
But we’ll
get a ton of turnovers to balance things out
Hall will
get the nod for top defender in the West
Watch for
Telvion Clark, at LB he may be the best
Our offense will now be an aerial show
Durant will
top 5000 yards, but 6000?… no
We will
spread the ball around to everyone
Except for
Jamel, who’s impact will be slightly above none
He won’t top
350, he’ll score just one time
He’ll
generally be found along the sideline
Dressler
will lead in yardage and Getzlaf in TDs
If feel
dirty just writing that, like I have VDs
The top back
will be Allen but he won’t crack 1000 yards
But him
being active in the pass game is definitely in the cards
Messam will
see touches but will be used less each week
He’ll be a
role player, at certain times havoc he will wreak
We will
start with bang as we usually do
Hot out of
the gates at 6 and 2
It will seem
its inevitable for a Grey Cup birth
But a
midseason losing streak will bring us back to earth
Some
Canadians will get injured, it’ll all go to hell
Our lack of
depth will be easy to tell
The O-line
will struggle and so will special teams
“Fire
everyone!” the fans they will scream,
“We need to
play Glenn, that Durant is a bum!”
“We should
have kept Richie! Man Taman is dumb!”
But Chamblin
won’t waiver, he’ll stick to his plan
The wins
will come after a long losing span.
An 10-8
record is what I foresee
Thanks to a
tie breaker, 2nd place, Yippee!
The Esks
will come to town and we will have one goal
Eliminate
them and their coach… whose a total a-hole
The
West-Semi will come down to a Milo try
The prospect
of that will make most people cry
But fear not
good people, there is no need for woe
For we will
shout “Another kick for Milo!”
Then it’s
off to Calgary for a chance at the Cup
But
unfortunately that’s not where we’ll wind up
Will fall
short in the final, a sad season ender
I’ll cope
with my pain by going on a bender
So there you
have it, that’s what I envision
But fear not
for I don’t have the greatest precisions
My
prediction accuracy is “a little bit”
So I cover
that up with rhyming and wit
So bring on
kickoff, with football don’t skimp
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