Thursday, June 25, 2015

Official Predictions 2015

Twas just about the kickoff and Prophet did curse
“I almost forgot to do my predictions in verse!”
The fans will be wondering “what is the deal?
How we gonna do this year? What do you feel?”
I really need an assistant to whom I can delegate
And whom, when the predictions suck, I can then defenestrate
But alas the last of the budget was spent on rye
So let me chug that bottle back and give this a try
So here are my predictions with rhyme but no reason
On what should be an exciting CFL season

We ditched both coordinators gone Cortez and Hall
We brought in Chapdelaine who might actually pass the ball
Both were good at what they do but no longer a fit
Cortez in particular many won’t miss a bit
He ran the same run play even when we were losin’
He thought Tino was useless… can’t disagree with that conclusion
Gone Heenan, Gone Peters, Gone Woldu and Hughes
Gone Chad Kilgore… see it’s not all bad news
We’ve shored up our LBs and brought in Glenn to allay fear
We’ve got actual receivers not the bums who started last year

Our defense will by imposing led by the front 4
To the top of sack count will this unit soar
We will give up lots of yards and that will make some pout
But we’ll get a ton of turnovers to balance things out
Hall will get the nod for top defender in the West
Watch for Telvion Clark, at LB he may be the best

Our offense will now be an aerial show
Durant will top 5000 yards, but 6000?… no
We will spread the ball around to everyone
Except for Jamel, who’s impact will be slightly above none
He won’t top 350, he’ll score just one time
He’ll generally be found along the sideline 
Dressler will lead in yardage and Getzlaf in TDs
If feel dirty just writing that, like I have VDs
The top back will be Allen but he won’t crack 1000 yards
But him being active in the pass game is definitely in the cards
Messam will see touches but will be used less each week
He’ll be a role player, at certain times havoc he will wreak

We will start with bang as we usually do
Hot out of the gates at 6 and 2
It will seem its inevitable for a Grey Cup birth
But a midseason losing streak will bring us back to earth
Some Canadians will get injured, it’ll all go to hell
Our lack of depth will be easy to tell
The O-line will struggle and so will special teams
“Fire everyone!” the fans they will scream,
“We need to play Glenn, that Durant is a bum!”
“We should have kept Richie! Man Taman is dumb!”
But Chamblin won’t waiver, he’ll stick to his plan
The wins will come after a long losing span.

An 10-8 record is what I foresee
Thanks to a tie breaker, 2nd place, Yippee!
The Esks will come to town and we will have one goal
Eliminate them and their coach… whose a total a-hole
The West-Semi will come down to a Milo try
The prospect of that will make most people cry
But fear not good people, there is no need for woe
For we will shout “Another kick for Milo!”
Then it’s off to Calgary for a chance at the Cup
But unfortunately that’s not where we’ll wind up
Will fall short in the final, a sad season ender
I’ll cope with my pain by going on a bender

So there you have it, that’s what I envision
But fear not for I don’t have the greatest precisions
My prediction accuracy is “a little bit”
So I cover that up with rhyming and wit
So bring on kickoff, with football don’t skimp
So I can see Chick swallow up Willy and make him go limp

No comments: