Last Monday, I posted my 8 step plan to solving the problems in getting the CFL schedule released. The next day the CFL schedule was released. You’re welcome. But I’m not one to rest on my accomplishments. I’m a man dedicated to this league and there are more issues afoot.
Word came out last week that Rona and Scotiabank were dropping off as major league sponsors. Now fortunately, unlike a few years ago, given the strength of the CFL, this news is not crippling. The CFL is now something people don’t feel ashamed to be publicly associated with… well the Blue Bombers maybe but I’m talking overall. Still, new sponsors are needed to help keep the League strong and being the good guy that I am, I have come up with a plan to help address this issue. And so I present…
Rider Prophet’s 3 Step Plan To Attracting New Sponsorship
1 – New Companies
While I appreciate Rona and Scotiabank’s support of the league, I’d be lying if I thought it was worth their while. Honestly, while I’m watching football I will not be inspired to bank or do home renos (I already have my wife nagging me to fix up the house, anything Rona put on was just overkill). We need sponsors that fit better with viewers’ mentality during a football game.
That’s why sponsors like Gibsons do well… a whisky commercial during a game is likely going to convince me to drink whisky (not that I need encouragement). Even Wendy’s (despite their mostly awful commercials) works because… let’s face it we are suckers for bacon and that baconator is somewhat tempting no matter how ridiculous the concept is.
We need to build on that though. Here are a few of the new sponsors I would see as a strategic fit:
Gambling – With apologies to Scotiabank, the only financial planning people do while watching football has to do with whether or not to take the spread. Sports Select, Sports Interaction, Bodog, sleazy Russian bookies… these are all sponsors that would have good strategic fit.
Drugs – In keeping with the theme of vices, drug dealers are an untapped source of ad revenue. They deal only in cash so you know they won’t skip out on a payment. Like any legitimate business they have product to move and a fair bit of CFL viewers would fall in their target market. To comply with laws I’m sure a few metaphors may have to be thrown in. But I’m sure if we saw a commercial for Jimmy’s “Novelty grass, powder and injectibles” we’d get the idea.
Scantily Clad Women – I can’t believe no one has clued into this yet. What is the one thing that could possibly distract a man’s attention from football? Women. Companies need to jump on this. Strip clubs, porn sites, or quite frankly a hot woman wearing nothing but a smile telling me to buy something I don’t even want, would be effective. Volcano Insurance? How can I go wrong?
Flex Seal – Quite frankly, I think I speak for all football fans when I say we just want to see what else we can make boats out of.
DateACougar.com – Their concept and jingle entertain me. They can stay.
Also all new sponsors will have to sign a contract where they are required to produce more than 2 commercials during a season and if their commercials are deemed to suck or be overly annoying to the fans a clause will automatically kick in which doubles their sponsorship fees. It’s like pay for performance only in reverse.
2 – New Revenue Streams
No stone unturned is my policy. The traditional sponsorship packages have their limits. Sponsors are looking for new and innovative advertising options and we need to offer that. I have a number of initial ideas to bring in new revenue streams and recommend striking a committee to brainstorm others.
- Scrap whatever awful team name Ottawa is planning and sell it to the highest bidder. You may get the Ottawa Dodge Rams you may get the Ottawa Tampex Tapons either way you get paid.
- Sell the opening coin toss to a new business each week and that company gets to determine what gets flipped. Could be a coin, a burger, a small child, a car. You’d have to tune in each week to find out.
- A new weekly award will be created for biggest comeback effort of the week with the title sponsor being Viagra. The Viagra Comeback Players of the Week will be honoured for rising to the occasion and performing under pressure… and if a player’s reign as Viagra Comeback Player of the Week lasts more than 2 consecutive weeks they will be encouraged to see a doctor.
3 – Micro-Sponsorship
It’s getting harder and harder to find major sponsors willing to fork over millions of dollars. Trust me, the future of the industry is in what I call “Micro-Sponsorship” (patent pending).
What’s micro-sponsorship you ask? Well it may be hard to find a couple companies willing to part with big money, but it’s easy to find a ton of people willing to invest small amounts. What we do is open it up that for $250, anyone can sponsor obscure portions of the game. The more obscure the better.
So the micro-sponsor (patent pending) invests a small amount of money for an advertising opportunity that will come up rarely if at all. Here are just a few examples of the rare occurrences we could open up to micro-sponsorship (patent pending)
- 3rd and 31 situations
- Animals on the field
- 1st and goals from the 23
- 2 or more punts in the same play
- Blocked converts returned for points by the oppositions (because really, what are the odds of that happening?)
- Ejections of a kicker
- Embarrassing Henry Burris moments (this one would have to cost more than $250 though since it comes up quite a bit)
- Dropped cheerleaders
- Inadvertently injured camera men
- Tampering fines
- Winnipeg victories
For the low price of $250 these or anything else you could dream up could be yours. I will be the first to pony up $250 so that the next “Illegible receiver” is brought to you by the Rider Prophet. I would also kick in another $250 so that the next time Rob Black makes up a nickname for a player that no one will ever use again he has to follow it up with “… and this has been brought to you by the Coalition of People Who Think Rod Black Is An Idiot”.
It’s an easier way to generate money without minimal impact on the game. What micro-sponsorship opportunity would you invest in?
And there you have it folks, another CFL problem solved by the Prophet.