Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Best Offseason Ever? …

... I think so!!

Last Tuesday I wrote that “I’m a Henri Childs Cut away from the best offseason ever.” … and late Monday my prayers were answered! Childs was released along with Jimmy Verdon, Dek Bake and Sebastian Clovis. Now admittedly my hatred for Childs hadn’t reached Johnson-like proportions (mainly because he rarely saw the field) but it was a hatred nonetheless.

The hatred dates back to before the 2007 season. Kenton Keith left for the NFL and we were in need of a running back. We briefly filled that spot with Hakim Hill, but like most things related to the Riders, it ended with a court appearance. Then we acquired a highly touted RB out of Montreal in a deal that cost us a first round pick (a reasonable price to pay if this guy turned out to be a solid starter). Well it took only 2 preseason games for us to realize that we’d made a terrible terrible mistake (at which point we traded for an actual RB... and the rest as they say is history). You see it wasn’t just that Childs wasn’t good enough to be a starter, he wasn’t good enough to even warrant being on the field.

His problem was all technique. While most RBs take long powerful strides when running, Childs opted instead to use a technique I can only assume he learned at ballerina school. He would prance on his tippy toes like some sort of effeminate fairy. Also, while most RBs attack the hole like a charging rhino, Childs’ attempts reminded me more of a senior citizen cautiously making their way slowly down a store aisle (again due mainly to the aforementioned effeminate prancing). He also seemed to have Scott Gordon-like ability to get struck in traffic at the line.

So it's with great pleasure that I bid farewell to Henri Childs.

Bishop, Johnson and now Childs… the Rider Prophet hatred trifecta has now been completely eliminated. In a related story, Rider Prophet Media will soon be closing their doors due to lack of material… just kidding. Though with those 3 gone it’s going to make things tough. Heck Alex Smith is not even on Special Teams anymore… I’m like a racist without a visible minority.

I’m feeling a bit torn here. As a Rider fan, the fact that there’s currently no one on our team that has garnered my hatred is a really good thing. However, as sports commentator and well known bigot, this leaves me feeling empty… much like what my posts will become if I don’t have someone to make fun of.

So the search is on for players to fill the highly uncoveted spots on my hatred list. If you have any suggestions please let me know.


Anonymous said...

I have a question for you Prophet? James Johnson vs Henri Childs in a Dance Dance Revolution dance off?
Who wins? Or does everyone lose by the sheer existence of such a contest?


Rider Prophet said...

Well on one hand Johnson has practiced his DDR skills more so he will have the edge in terms of experience. On the other hand Childs is just so light on his feet it's as if he were genetically designed to dance.

The match would likely be called a draw in the second round when Childs runs himself into a spectator and Johnson gets caught looking at the other DDR machine beside them.