Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The 2008 Rider Season: A Biblical Explanation

At the start of the 2007 season, Tillman was confident in his team. But he wanted to be assured of success so he cut a deal with the devil. The Devil said he would grant Tillman a magical season and a Grey Cup in exchange for 2008 season full of losing and misery. ET, wanting desperately to bring the cup home to Saskatchewan, begrudgingly agreed and the Devil held up his end of the bargain by making us Grey Cup champs in a truly memorable season.

After the game the Devil showed up and reminded Tillman of the deal. Tillman informed the Devil that he was well aware of the deal but added that it would be tough given all the talent he had. The Devil could see that Tillman could not be trusted to uphold the deal on his own. So he decided to level the playing field by getting rid of Kent Austin, Kerry Joseph, and Fred Perry.

So the 2008 season began and the Devil was anxiously awaiting the cries of agony that would soon come from Riderville. But much to the Devil’s surprise the Riders won and there was much rejoicing. The Devil was furious, how could the team possibly win without their coach, QB and star DE? Well the devil was not about to let some mortal outsmart him.

In Game 2, he struck down Crandell, Flick and Mitchell, thinking that this would surely be too much for the Riders to overcome. But they somehow prevailed and the rejoicing continued.

In Game 3, he took our very promising kick returner as he was making the biggest play of his young career. But they somehow prevailed again and the rejoicing gained momentum.

By Game 4, the Devil decided to play hard ball and took John Chick. He then grinned at Tillman and said “You can’t beat the Devil, Eric”. But it was ET who had the last laugh as the Riders prevailed against overwhelming odds and the rejoicing grew even louder.

By Game 5, the Devil was through playing games and went on a tear, striking down Durant, Fantuz and Johnson. The Devil was convinced that he had finally won his little feud with Tillman; a 3rd string QB and a bunch of back-up receivers couldn’t possibly topple the reigning league MOP… but somehow they overcame the adversity and extended their winning streak.
The rejoicing could be heard for miles around.

The Devil was furious! He went to Tillman and screamed “We had a deal Eric! You have your ring now I want the province-wide misery I was promised!” Tillman calmly looked the Devil in the eyes and said “Look, I know what we agreed on but I simply can’t seem to lose. Guess I’m just too good of a GM"

The Devil decided that this would all end in Game 6. He struck down everything in his sight… Dominguez, Berman, Hughes, Parenteau and Heard. He then took a seat beside Tillman as the clock wound down in Calgary. “Times run out Eric” he sneered. But as DeAngeles’ game winning kick sailed wide, Tillman stood with a grin and patted the Devil on the back and said “Better luck next time”. As Tillman strutted out of the room the Devil screamed “This isn’t over!!”

So my friends, the amazing story that is the 2008 season is a result of a bitter feud between Eric Tillman and Satan that shows no sign of ending in the near future.


Anonymous said...

And Tillman said unto the Devil: "You can't mess with the good people of Saskatchewan. That's why we gave you Toronto!"

Anonymous said...

Hilarious. Great stuff.