Friday, December 7, 2007

First Annual Rider Prophet Awards

Ladies and Gentlemen: It’s time to present the First Annual Rider Prophet Awards. I’d like to say that this is a highly anticipated moment but quite frankly I’d be lying. In fact, the only awards that I think are less prestigious than these are the Robby’s… and possibly the Daytime Emmy’s.

So without further adieu…

Best Player Name
Chijioke Onyenegecha. Any defensive player whose name is essentially pronounced “I'm Gonna Getcha” deserves an award in my books.

Quote of the year
Rider offensive lineman Mike Abou-Mechrek on why offensive linemen make such good interviews: "A lot of offensive linemen are articulate because we were all fat growing up. Not a lot of the chicks liked us so we had to make up for it by reading books, learning to speak properly and relying on our smarts. I'm probably the best looking offensive lineman in the league, so it was easy for me."

Play of the Year
There are so many memorable moments from this past season. However, the Play of the Year for me came on Aug 25th when the Ti-cats played the Alouettes. While Jason Maas was trying to call an audible, his centre spontaneously snapped the ball past Maas’ head. It's not often that you can encapsulate a team's entire season in one play, but Hamilton managed to do it on that beauty.

Botched Call of the Year
For this award the potential list of nominees was longer than a morning lineup at Tim Hortons. From phantom pass interference calls to botched challenges that have convinced me that when refs go “under the hood” they are watching the cartoon network as opposed to actual game footage, officiating was a gongshow this year. There was one call however that went beyond the normal ineptitude and set a new standard for reffing screw ups. The one that takes the cake was the “onside kick that never happened” when we played Winnipeg. On an onside kick attempt, Milt Stegall and Tad Kornegay simultaneously touched the ball before it went out of bounds. Therefore, by rule (or at least by a CFL official’s logic), since both players touched the ball at the same time it cancels out and the ball is deemed to have been kicked out of bounds.

Best Rider Blog
In what is believed to be the largest landslide in the history of award show voting… The Rider Prophet
(I’d like to congratulate the other nominees.., unfortunately there were no other nominees since no Rider blog is even in the same league as me. In fact, some bloggers didn't even think an event as significant as a Grey Cup win was worth mentioning).

Fans Choice Douche-Bag of the Year
You, the fans, have spoken and with 59% of the votes Jason Jimenez is your choice for Douche-Bag of the Year. Jimenez, a member of the BC hoggies that put the “offensive” back in offensive line, made headlines this season for a block on Calgary Stampeders defensive lineman Anthony Gargiulo in the final game of the regular season. Gargiulo suffered a broken leg in 3 places plus torn ligaments and tendons on the play and needed surgery to implant a plate in his leg. The block was so dirty that even fellow Douche-Bag of the Year nominee AJ Gass was disgusted.

Most Insulted Sports Figure
Well we’ve had a lot of fun this season and most of that fun has come at the expense of players and coaches from across the league. Some of my top targets included Jim Popp, Jason French and Henry Burris. And just to prove that I am an equal opportunity insulter, I also took repeated shots at the Riders’ own Henri Childs and James Johnson.

In what is no doubt the worst kept secret since the ending of Titanic… The most insulted Sports figure of the year goes to the one and only… Marcel Bellefeuille. All season long Marcel was my primary target when it came to dolling out insults.

I’ve often wondered if Marcel ever reads any of the hurtful things I’ve written about him. If so I really hope that he has a sense of humour… which he must since his offense is a joke (aww look at me… I can’t even resist taking a shot at him while I honour him with an award).

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