Monday Morning Sentimonies: Solving The Sponsorship Issue

Last Monday, I posted my 8 step plan to solving the problems in getting the CFL schedule released. The next day the CFL schedule was released. You’re welcome. But I’m not one to rest on my accomplishments. I’m a man dedicated to this league and there are more issues afoot.

Word came out last week that Rona and Scotiabank were dropping off as major league sponsors. Now fortunately, unlike a few years ago, given the strength of the CFL, this news is not crippling. The CFL is now something people don’t feel ashamed to be publicly associated with… well the Blue Bombers maybe but I’m talking overall. Still, new sponsors are needed to help keep the League strong and being the good guy that I am, I have come up with a plan to help address this issue. And so I present…

Rider Prophet’s 3 Step Plan To Attracting New Sponsorship

1 – New Companies

While I appreciate Rona and Scotiabank’s support of the league, I’d be lying if I thought it was worth their while. Honestly, while I’m watching football I will not be inspired to bank or do home renos (I already have my wife nagging me to fix up the house, anything Rona put on was just overkill). We need sponsors that fit better with viewers’ mentality during a football game.

That’s why sponsors like Gibsons do well… a whisky commercial during a game is likely going to convince me to drink whisky (not that I need encouragement). Even Wendy’s (despite their mostly awful commercials) works because… let’s face it we are suckers for bacon and that baconator is somewhat tempting no matter how ridiculous the concept is.

We need to build on that though. Here are a few of the new sponsors I would see as a strategic fit:

Gambling – With apologies to Scotiabank, the only financial planning people do while watching football has to do with whether or not to take the spread. Sports Select, Sports Interaction, Bodog, sleazy Russian bookies… these are all sponsors that would have good strategic fit.

Drugs – In keeping with the theme of vices, drug dealers are an untapped source of ad revenue. They deal only in cash so you know they won’t skip out on a payment. Like any legitimate business they have product to move and a fair bit of CFL viewers would fall in their target market. To comply with laws I’m sure a few metaphors may have to be thrown in. But I’m sure if we saw a commercial for Jimmy’s “Novelty grass, powder and injectibles” we’d get the idea.

Scantily Clad Women – I can’t believe no one has clued into this yet. What is the one thing that could possibly distract a man’s attention from football? Women. Companies need to jump on this. Strip clubs, porn sites, or quite frankly a hot woman wearing nothing but a smile telling me to buy something I don’t even want, would be effective. Volcano Insurance? How can I go wrong?

Flex Seal – Quite frankly, I think I speak for all football fans when I say we just want to see what else we can make boats out of.

DateACougar.com – Their concept and jingle entertain me. They can stay.

Also all new sponsors will have to sign a contract where they are required to produce more than 2 commercials during a season and if their commercials are deemed to suck or be overly annoying to the fans a clause will automatically kick in which doubles their sponsorship fees. It’s like pay for performance only in reverse.

2 – New Revenue Streams

No stone unturned is my policy. The traditional sponsorship packages have their limits. Sponsors are looking for new and innovative advertising options and we need to offer that. I have a number of initial ideas to bring in new revenue streams and recommend striking a committee to brainstorm others.

-       Scrap whatever awful team name Ottawa is planning and sell it to the highest bidder. You may get the Ottawa Dodge Rams you may get the Ottawa Tampex Tapons either way you get paid.

-       Sell the opening coin toss to a new business each week and that company gets to determine what gets flipped. Could be a coin, a burger, a small child, a car. You’d have to tune in each week to find out.

-       A new weekly award will be created for biggest comeback effort of the week with the title sponsor being Viagra. The Viagra Comeback Players of the Week will be honoured for rising to the occasion and performing under pressure… and if a player’s reign as Viagra Comeback Player of the Week lasts more than 2 consecutive weeks they will be encouraged to see a doctor.

3 – Micro-Sponsorship

It’s getting harder and harder to find major sponsors willing to fork over millions of dollars. Trust me, the future of the industry is in what I call “Micro-Sponsorship” (patent pending).

What’s micro-sponsorship you ask? Well it may be hard to find a couple companies willing to part with big money, but it’s easy to find a ton of people willing to invest small amounts. What we do is open it up that for $250, anyone can sponsor obscure portions of the game. The more obscure the better.

So the micro-sponsor (patent pending) invests a small amount of money for an advertising opportunity that will come up rarely if at all. Here are just a few examples of the rare occurrences we could open up to micro-sponsorship (patent pending)

-       3^rd and 31 situations

-       Animals on the field

-       1^st and goals from the 23

-       2 or more punts in the same play

-       Blocked converts returned for points by the oppositions (because really, what are the odds of that happening?)

-       Ejections of a kicker

-       Embarrassing Henry Burris moments (this one would have to cost more than $250 though since it comes up quite a bit)

-       Dropped cheerleaders

-       Inadvertently injured camera men

-       Tampering fines

-       Winnipeg victories

For the low price of $250 these or anything else you could dream up could be yours. I will be the first to pony up $250 so that the next “Illegible receiver” is brought to you by the Rider Prophet. I would also kick in another $250 so that the next time Rob Black makes up a nickname for a player that no one will ever use again he has to follow it up with “… and this has been brought to you by the Coalition of People Who Think Rod Black Is An Idiot”.

It’s an easier way to generate money without minimal impact on the game. What micro-sponsorship opportunity would you invest in?

And there you have it folks, another CFL problem solved by the Prophet.

Entertaining Week In The CFL

In that dreaded lull in March between free agency and the draft it’s rare to get a week where something notable happens in the CFL. This week we were treated to all kinds newsworthy events from schedules to tampering to Grey Cup locations. Normally I would be leery of using up all my potential material on a Friday and leaving nothing for Monday, but in an extremely rare burst of effort I have already come up with my concept for Monday’s post. After solving the league’s scheduling problem last Monday, I will be using this Monday’s post to solve the sponsorship problem resulting from Rona and Scotiabank dropping out. You won’t want to miss it.

Let’s get into this week’s news.

Schedule

Tuesday the schedule was finally released allowing football fans across the nation to plan out schedules with respect to vacations, drinking and days where they won’t be making it into work. Overall the schedule is vast improvement over the crap we were subjugated to last year. We actually get some night games! I would of course prefer more but thanks to the fact that ratings for Rider games are high regardless of timeslots, they are reluctant to waste too many prime TV slots on us. We are a victim of our own success and have to take what we can get.

It’s no coincidence that the bulk of our home games come after Labour Day. The expanded Grey Cup seating will be in by then so this is the team’s way of maximizing $$$.

I honestly can’t wait for the Friday home opener against the much hated Stamps… the intensity, noise and my blood alcohol level will be off the charts!

Tampering

This week the CFL handed down a $10,000 fine on the Eskimos for tampering with Odell Willis. Let’s just call a spade a spade here, the Esks didn’t get fined because they tampered… every team tampers. The Esks got fined because they were dumb asses. While I bet other teams spoke to free agents before the free agency period open and may have even had deals in place, none of them were stupid enough to send out a press release announcing the signing complete with quotes from the coach on the signing 4 minutes after free agency opened. For goodness sake Hervey, wait 30 minutes at least! Short of getting on a megaphone and yelling “Tampering! We’re tampering over here!” it’s pretty tough to get caught. Yet Hervey managed to find a way.

The only way this could get more entertaining from my perspective is if Odell gets arrested for DUI again and the Esks end up paying $10K to tamper with a guy they can’t even get across the border.

BC Grey Cup

Word is BC will be getting the 2014 Grey Cup. This created a small uproar amongst some folks as BC just hosted the event 2 years ago. Not to mention the fact that David Braley’s other team just hosted last year, meaning he will get to host 3 cups in 4 years. Personally I could care less. Fact is BC has a newly renovated domed stadium which rightfully should get priority as a host for the championship game.  Also when a guy owns 25% of the league and has 2 domed stadium a his disposal he’s going to get preferential treatment. NFL does this all the time. Almost half of the Super Bowls have been played in Miami or New Orleans because they are the prime locations.

Besides who else was going to host it?!? Hamilton is due for one but their stadium is currently a pile of ruble (plus Dave Naylor reports that Hamilton’s turn in the GC rotation was ’11 but their stadium was too crappy so BC took their place). Winnipeg is due for one but the league wants to make sure the new stadium can actually withstand a season without collapsing before awarding them a GC.  Ottawa will get one once they have a team and a stadium. All the west teams have hosted one recently. So the only other real option was Montreal… and BC has a nicer stadium and a more powerful owner.

O’Sullivan & Moss Gone

One last bit of Rider news for you today, the Riders have released JT O’Sullivan and Sinorice Moss. Moss I could care less about. Despite his NFL-hype he failed to impress when given a chance.

As for O’Sullivan, personally that makes sense to me. I never really liked the idea of using a roster spot on a 30 year old QB who had never played CFL ball… though I did get the logic of wanting a veteran presence in case Durant went down (plus he wasn’t Ryan Dinwiddie so that was a plus). At least O’Sullivan knew his role (as evidenced by his adopting the #0) and seemed like a decent team guy. I’m still not entirely unconvinced that JT’s signing here wasn’t just part of his life plan to collect as many different O’Sullivan jerseys as possible (that’s 13 and counting now).

But now that Willy and Brown each have a year in the league (and Willy even got some meaningful action… #PotentialWillyHeadline) we have no need for O’Sullivan short of admiring his last season moustache. I assume this means Willy and Brown will be battling it out for #2 with a brand new 4^th QB being brought in for an audition.

RIP Stompin' Tom Connor

In honour of the passing of Canadian icon Stompin' Tom Connor, I thought it would be fitting to post this...

Monday Morning Sentimonies: Help With The Schedule

I consider myself more than just a bigoted/occasionally drunk sports commentator. I am one of the leading CFL minds in the province (I am also very humble as you can tell). But I take this responsibility very seriously (well… as serious as a rye drinking dude in a robe can anyways) and like to use my powers for the benefit of all CFL fans. With that in mind I have turned my attention to the biggest issue currently facing the CFL … the delay in the release of the schedule.

In the League’s defense, there are many complicating factors in finalizing this year’s schedule. I mean sure the NHL did coordinate a 42 game season for 30 teams in the same time that it took the CFL to determine whether or not Hamilton home games could technically be called “home games” but I sympathize with the difficulties face by our friends at the League offices. With that in mind I have come up with a number of recommendations to help get the schedule sorted out. I call it Prophet’s 8 Step Plan To Getting The Schedule Released Before Labour Day

1 – The Toronto Argonauts will forgo all home games and instead games will be simulated in Madden and broadcast on community television. This move is expected to increase viewership and general interest in the greater Toronto area while keeping attendance numbers about the same as they currently are.

2 – All Roughrider home games will be played on either Wednesday or Sunday at 5am because “shut up and don’t pretend like we won’t be there”

3 – Winnipeg Blue Bomber home games will be scheduled as double headers with 2 teams traveling to Winnipeg in the same weekend.  Team 1 will play the Bombers on Saturday while Team 2 helps hold up and brace the stadium against wind. On Sunday team 1 and 2 will switch roles

4 – In order to reduce the number of actual games that need to be scheduled, tag team game will be introduced. Teams will be paired up and take on an opposing pairing. Tagging in and out with your partner will be allowed by official hand tag in the presence of a ref or behind the refs back when he is distracted by a team manager or valet.

5 – There will be no games scheduled in week 17 because we are pretty sure no one will notice. Teams will be asked to select a poker player who will  be appearing in the Poker tournament that is broadcast instead and winners will be determined based on the performance of their selected player.

6 – There will be 3 Labour Day Classics this year to take advantage of the fact that ticket sales and viewership traditionally spike during these games.

7 – BC will play whenever they damn well please as David Braley pretty much runs this league.

8 – Due to scheduling conflicts at Commonwealth, 3 Eskimo home games will be moved to Nunavut for the first ever Touchdown Inukshuk in the presence of real eskimos. As there is no stadium there, the game will be played in the middle of the snowy arctic. Ceremonial opening kickoff will be replaced with a ceremonial seal clubbing.  

I pretty sure by implementing the above measures, the CFL  can address any issues that are preventing the finalization of the schedule. You’re welcome.

Foley Is Good

I had planned on posting a blog this morning on the Foley acquisition and the Riders must have sensed that pulled the trigger on a trade. Well the jokes on them, thanks to my procrastination, unlike normal it’s no problem.

Let’s start with the signing of Ricky Foley. Simply put it’s a great move. The only thing that puzzles me is why some people don’t like this move?!? We trade multiple draft picks for a head case… people applaud. We trade for an ancient receiver and hand him a blank check… standing ovation. But sign a bonafide starter, former top Canadian that addresses a need and this is when people question things? How can you not like this?

He fills a need, he’s Canadian and he’s pretty darn good too. Essentially we managed to replace Odell Willis with a more mentally stable, less penalty inclined, Canadian who provides more consistent effort. If you say that their pass rushing abilities are similar than this is a massive upgrade. No one is more critical of our GM than me but I gotta admit, he did good this time. Not sure how we are affording all our offseason acquisitions but I assume there will be a couple high profile cuts coming soon to balance things off.

As for today’s trade, normally I am not a fan of Taman’s tendency for tossing draft picks around, but today’s was a good one. We send two 5^th round picks to Edmonton for a 6^th and the well travelled Canadian kicker Brody McKnight. You may not know who McKnight is but despite having a CFL career that is a mere 3 games the man has a more storied history than most of our roster. Here’s the summary

-       In the 2011 draft the Als mysteriously used the 8^th overall draft pick to select McKnight, despite them not needing a kicker, him having a year of college left and not being the top kicker available.

-       After college he had a few NFL tryouts before ending up with the Als.

-       Due to the aforementioned not needing him, the Als ended up trading McKnight to the Esks for an inexplicable ransom: a 1^st (3^rd overall) and 4^th round pick and Derek Shiavone. I’m sure they would have thrown in Ricky Ray if they could have. Popp’s ridiculous drafting was somehow rewarded.

-       Despite paying an arm and leg for him, the Esks only dressed him for 3 games and near as I can remember the only time he saw the field was a weird series of events leading to a blocked FG

So that 5 draft picks, 3 teams and 2 trades for a guy yet to make a CFL field goal. It’s crazy. But he was a damn good kicker in college, good enough to draw NFL interest. For the bargain price we got him for he is definitely worth the chance. Could potentially be our starting kicker. That said the way his career has been going he’s more likely to end up traded for more picks.