Monday, April 1, 2024

Monday Morning Sentimonies: You Can’t Get Fooled Again

For the love of god, please check the date on the calendar before reading anything today. In the immortal words of George W Bush “There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.” So don’t get fooled again. 

If you see a headline saying “Trevor Harris Traded” or “Competition for #1 QB Spot now a surprise battle between Drew Willy and Tino Sunseri” just ignore it. 

If you see a headline saying “Schaefer-Baker Retires To Pursue Career As A Bovine Doula” don’t retweet it. 

If you see a headline saying “Riders Sell Hat for 150% more than the same hat is sold for other teams”… well that one is probably accurate. Same as if you see a headline “Rider Prophet Named World’s Greatest Sex Machine.” 

While you generally should not believe most of what you read on the internet (this site included) any day this is the day you definitely should not believe it. No the Riders aren’t changing their colours to blue and gold. No the league is not adopting a 5th down to get ahead of the curve. No Tom Brady is not coming out of retirement to finally throw for a Montreal sports team. No Pilsner intake has not been scientifically determined to be correlated with intelligence. And No, Rider Prophet did not get drunk and expose himself to bus full of seniors on a bingo tour (only part of that headline is correct but I’m not telling you which part). 

Let’s just try and keep our cool for one day. Please.  


pantsonfire said...

Good advice. You can take this to the bank, Rider. In keeping with the name change, "Princess" Auto will be fitting the Bombers with tiaras this year. There will be a regal blue sapphire on either side to celebrate their most recent Grey Cups. They will be complimented by 2 cheaper Topaz stones front & back for their most recent 2 appearances - or knockoffs of the sapphires as an alternate choice for those so inclined.

In other news - in the animal world - protesters have rightly scheduled a march for the 1st home game at Mosaic demanding that Gainer be correctly called a Prairie Dog going forward. Rodents from as far away as BC are marching as we speak to voice their concerns. Alas, crossing the Alberta border to make it to Saskatchewan may be a problem for the critters as they have been indiscriminately hunted to near extinction there. And Manitoba rodents don't care.

Rider Prophet said...

pants - topaz stones! outstanding