Monday, December 3, 2018

11th Annual Rider Prophet Awards

These awards are fairly unique in terms of their set-up. While most sports awards recognize the best in their field (outstanding achievement in the field of excellence if you will), these awards recognize the rest in their field as well as things that I find generally entertaining. While most sports awards are voted on by a large contingent including media (only about half of whom actually know what the hell they are talking about), these awards are quite arbitrarily awarded based on my own whims with the exception of one award which is voted on by the fans. Lastly, while most sports awards are something recipients are proud to receive, these awards are something that most recipients would avoid acknowledging publicly.

Let’s get to the awards. This year’s winners will receive the chance to host the 2026 Olympics… since no one else seems to want to.

Best Player Name
Honourable mentions to Wil Likely and Boobie Hobbs but this year’s winner is Montreal DB Armagedon Draughns. Seriously, how cool a name is Armagedon? With a name like that he pretty much had to go into professional sports or security. I just can’t see a guy named Armegedon doing my taxes attending to my medical needs.

Previous Winners: Rakeem Cox, Akawasi Owusu-Ansah, Lirim Hajrullahu, SirVincent Rogers, Drew Willy, Bear Woods, Solomon Elimimian, Craphonso Thorpe, Charleston Hughes, Chijioke Onyenegecha

Quote of the Year
I almost hesitated in naming this quote the winner. I love the quote and most people like me found it entertaining. But a vocal contingent blew this completely out of proportion with feigned outrage. What cinched it for me was when the Bombers embraced it and started selling shirts.

Your winner is Dave Dickenson for "F'ing Canadians"

Previous Winners: Kavis Reed/Jacques Chapdelaine, Greg Quick, Solomon Elimimian, Ed Hervey, Joe Mack, Henry Burris, Eddie Johnson, Jason Clermont, Mike Abou-Mechrek x2

Play of the Year
Two of the best moments from this season were not actually eligible for this award as they were not actual plays. I still feel they deserve special mention. I’m talking about the Mike Sherman striptease and Jason Maas vs. the Gatorade jug.

With those 2 out of contention, one remaining play stood out among all the others. There is an old adage that if you are going to run your mouth, you better be prepared to back it up. The Lions’ Gary Peters learned this lesson the hard way when he decided to call on Duke Williams. This is what we call a natural consequence. 

Botched Call of the Year
I briefly considered going in a different direction with this award because there were certainly some doozies to chose from. The botched chain measurement from Labour Day certainly comes to mind. But I know my readers and I know there would have been outcry if I didn’t mention headshots here. This is what we in the business call blatant pandering.

Rather than one play I will give this award to the collective inability for the refs to call headshots on QBs. Obviously the Collaros and Bridge one’s are the most talked about but Lulay took an uncalled headshot early in the season and there were probably others I’m forgetting.

It’s ridiculous that these keep going uncalled. It’s ridiculous that the replay official can correct an offside call but not headshot. The official can remove a player whose brains have been scrambled by a headshot (usually many plays later in the game) but they can’t assess a penalty. Fixing this needs to be an offseason priority.

I will add in that rather than just complaining about how little the league is doing, the CFLPA could maybe tell their members to stop trying to kill other members and agree to harsher penalties for those that do. That is if they are really serious about player safety and not just grand standing against the League. (end rant).

The Commercial I Didn’t Get Sick of Seeing Even Though TSN Made Me Watch It 54,297 Times Award
I’ll tell you what commercial I did get sick of seeing… that damn Nissan commercial that played roughly 100 times per game. Note to Nissan: I’m glad you are a proud sponsor of the CFL but that ad on endless repeat made me less likely to ever consider purchasing that vehicle.

Honourable mention to Fountain Tire for their “Nan’s smile is nice, but useless” ad but this year’s winner is Belair Direct for their series of  Football Simplified quick ads. Simple, quick, funny.

See a bunch here:

Most Insulted Sports Figure
While there were times that it looked like Steve McAdoo was destined to repeat here, a new front runner emerged. It proved to be the only thing his person would excel at. I'm talking of course about Brandon Bridge. By far he led the pact in terms of me insulting him in this space. Brandon Bridge. Joins the like of Sunseri, Bishop and Dinwiddie in terms of Rider QBs I have loathed. I’m sure he’s a nice guy off the field but he is utterly useless on it.

I have never been a Bridge fan. I've long contended that if he wasn't Canadian no one would care about him. But this year he took things to a new level. He managed to look awful in an offense that allowed him only to hand off and throw screens. He runs like a baby deer learning to walk and still thinks that his horrible attempts at huddling are a good idea (they are not). He is so inaccurate in his passes that fans in the front row are more likely to catch his pass attempts than our receivers. I could maybe be more forgiving if he was a developing QB but he's a 4 year vet. This is as good as it gets.

Previous Winners: Steve McAdoo, The Riders Secondary, Any Rider QB not named Durant, Pat Neufeld, Chris Getzlaf, Ryan Dinwiddie, Jim Daley, Michael Bishop x 2, Marcel Bellefeuille

Fans’ Choice Douche-Bag of the Year
You the fans have spoken yet again… and in record number. A total of 163 votes were received including an amazing 8 write in votes for the likes of Odell Willis, Duron Carter, Chris Jones, Jackson Jeffcoat, Jonathan Rose, Blue Bomber fans and my personal favourite the media who pretended the Riders' O wasn't awful.

The voting was way closer than I expected. I underestimated how much you people hate Dave Dickenson. Personally I think he's an angel compared to other nominees but this is a fan vote and he came in 2nd. 

You the fans have decided that with 45% (74 out of a possible 163 votes) Jason Maas is your Douche Bag of the Year for the second year in a row.

I doubt this will shock anyone. Between his yelling, his tantrums and his assaults on innocent sideline objects he's an easy choice. Used to be that pretty much anyone outside of Edmonton hated him but now his support even in Edmonton is slipping after missing the playoffs despite fielding the top QB in the league. It will take something pretty douchy to keep Maas from three-peating in 2019.

Previous Winners: Jason Maas, Cory Chamblin, Chris Jones, Jon Cornish x2, Henry Burris, Dwight Anderson, Mike Kelly, Jason Jimenez, Rob Murphy

1 comment:

Dan said...

The most complete and well thought out comments I have ever read on head shots, the CFL and the CFLPA. Send these words to the CFL and the CFLPA and invite your fans to do the same.

Laughed hard at your Bridge thoughts. I was okay with 2017 Bridge, I wasn’t a beliver but I thought he had potential. But 2018 Bridge was among the bigger disasters I have seen in green at QB. I’d be pretty upset to see his name connected to our roster in 2019.