Monday, June 27, 2016

Official 2016 Predictions

Twas just before the season and fans were uptight
Musing “it can’t be worse than last year. Right?”
The paper bags were cautiously stored in hidden places
In the hopes they would not needed to cover our faces
When who should stroll in to speak to the masses?
No not Santa, its Rider Prophet you asses!
So get yourself comfy and allow me to preach
On the highs and lows that the Riders will reach

In 2016 there’s a new sheriff in town
He’s dressed all in black and he’s wearing a frown.
He got rid of everything he possible could
Had he been able to cut the hot dog vendors he probably would
When he cut half our team, most didn’t even twitch
But cut Dressler and Chick? You son of a *$*^$!!!
Gone Getz, gone Brack, it got kinda scary
But not all bad news, gone Tino Sunseri!
Jones brought all his coaches that just won the Cup
He blew up our team and must now build it up.

On offense, all eyes will be on #4
If he goes down, there’s no chance we score
Fear not for Durant will return to form
Top end play will once again be his norm
His go to guys will be Roosevelt and Bagg
Rob will lead in catches, most TDs will Namaan snag
1000 yard receivers? There will be one, if any
But 600+ yrd receivers there will be many
We have lots of weapons and will spread it around
Only concern is our attack on the ground
Steele is mediocre and Walter is too
By the end of the season our starter will be new
It will take a while for this unit to gel
But when they do, up the standings we’ll propel

Defense has its good points and bad
But it can’t possibly be worse than last year… man that was sad!
Lemon, Irvin, Capicciotti damn that pass rush is good!
It gets even better with a healthy Norwood
Greg Jones in the middle will be a tackling machine
Otha Foster will be one the best adds by the white and green
Our front 7 will be disruptive and force many a takeaway
But our secondary concerns me, I’m sorry to say
They have the right players but as a unit they’ll struggle
If I knew more about Harry Potter, I’d rhyme this with muggle
The configuration of the secondary will change at least 4 times
Here’s a bold prediction, we’ll also land Aaron Grymes
Jones will eventually mold the DBs into top tier
But for the first few games, expect bad things, I fear

I see 9 wins in store which isn’t too shabby
But how we will get there won’t make many happy
The first half will be rough, there will be growing pains
Which will cause the masses to get out pitch forks and chains.
“I knew Jones was bum!” will come the cries hour after hour
“He cut way too many. He was drunk with power”
Some will even say we should have kept Taman I have a hunch
You nave my permission to give such people a punch
3-6 is how we’ll open, you can count on that
The fans will be livid… but Jones won’t give a crap
He’ll keep working and tinkering until things improve
The tide will turn at Labour Day (where you know we can’t lose)
It will look like a new team in the back-half of the race
We’ll finish 9-9, good for third place
A west-semi battle against the arch-rival Stamps.
But don’t get your hopes up, we won’t end up champs
We'll have an early exit, no post season success
A disappointing end but tremendous progress
So that’s how I see it, I say with a cry
Now will someone please get me a rye
If you don’t like my predictions, have no fear
As with most seasons, I was way off last year

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