Monday, December 5, 2011

Fifth Annual Rider Prophet Awards

Its time to present the 5th Annual Rider Prophet Awards. We were planning a big red carpet gala complete with star performances, celebrity presenters and extravagant gifts... but unfortunately the Rider Prophet’s accountant  (who has since been fired) recommended I invest heavily in Greece, so the best we can do the best is a dirt path shindig complete with Man in the Bush doing his interpretive dance routine, random hobo presenters we pay in sandwich crusts and each award winner will receive one of the Rider Prophet’s Christmas credit cards bills to pay on my behalf.

Best Player Name
It took until the playoffs for this winner to come forward. I was casually watching the East Semi when I noticed this white guy with ridiculously large dreads...

That in and of itself was pretty awesome but it got even better when I found out his name was Bear Woods. That was good enough to lock up the award for him.

Previous winners: Solomon Elimimian, Craphonso Thorpe. Charleston Hughes, Chijioke Onyenegecha,

Quote of the Year
This year marks the first year that this award will not go to a Roughrider. Eddie Johnson got muzzled fairly early which left this category wide open. Fortunately this happened. Which led directly to this year’s quote of the year by the one and only Henry Burris:

“If I don’t make the throws, I get mad at myself. If I do it to the sky, that means I’m doing it to the man upstairs? I threw a bad ball. I’m mad. I fist-pumped. I do it all the time — good and bad.”

He then went out and threw an INT. Comedy writers couldn’t come up with something that awesome.

Previous Winner: Eddie Johnson, Jason Clermont, Mike Abou-Mechrek x 2

Play of the Year

The train wreck that was the Rider season provided plenty of candidates for this category but the one that really stands out for me was actually a series of events in a game versus the Eskimos where Ryan Dinwiddie started. That led to this outstanding display...

But the awesomeness didn’t stop there. On the very next series, Dinwiddie, in an attempt to kiss and make up for this little fight, tried to force a pass to Baker into triple coverage and got picked off.

Honourable mention to Richardson throwing Calvillo’s passing record ball into the stands

Botched Call of the Year
I have been doing this award for 5 years now and there have been many truly awful calls but this year’s winner set itself apart from all other winners because it actually resulted in a ref being fired. You know a call is bad when it forces the league to actually discipline somebody. I’m talking of course about the pass interference call in the Montreal/Winnipeg game that was not even close to PI and almost screwed the Als out of the victory. For setting a new standard or reffing screw-ups, it is your botched call of the year.
The Commercial I Didn’t Get Sick Of Seeing Even Though TSN Made Me Watch It 54,297 Times Award
It was a pretty weak year for commercials, but I did like this one.

Fans Choice Douche-Bag of the Year
You the fans have spoken and in what is the narrowest margin in the history of this award (only 2 votes) have named Henry Burris as the 2011 Douche Bag of the Year.

Burris’ accomplishments in the field of douche-baggery include (but are not limited to):
-       Sending out a super offensive tweet and then trying to claim that someone must have hacked his twitter account... rrriiiggghhhttt.
-       The fist pump quote he was just awarded for
-       Taking his benching like a whinny little girl. He found a way to include the fact that he was the reigning MOP in every interview after he was bench. Then made it clear that he is above being a back-up... even though he sucked this year.

Good job Henry... good job

Previous winners: Mike Kelly, Jason Jimenez, Rob Murphy

Most Insulted Sports Figure – Ryan Dinwiddie
In what will likely come as a surprise to no one, Ryan Dinwiddie is my Most Insulted Sports Figure of 2011. It may seem downright cruel to pick on a back-up QB who only made a few starts when then was so much futility in the Rider organization this year but Dinwiddie just made it so easy. Despite many opportunities to disprove my hatred (and give my friends ammunition to bug me), Dinwiddie just kept sucking. I don’t think there is anyone who enjoyed each of Dinwiddie’s interceptions as me.

So Dinwiddie reigns supreme for 2011, I just hope he’s not around next year to try and defend his title.

Previous winners: Jim Daley, Michael Bishop x 2, Marcel Bellefeuille


Anonymous said...

I'm happy some good finally Happened to Henry. He had rough this year. If felt only right vote for him for the douchbaggery award.

Tim Miller said...

I voted for Anderson, but tough to dispute Burris' douchebaginess. Well earned Hank! Good luck in Winnipeg!

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