You’d think that given the absolute gong show that Mike Kelly has been running since he took over the Bombers, he would be glad when other teams do things that take the media’s attention away from him. Apparently that is not the case though.
With the signing of alleged gun toting yahoo Jason Armstead, the media had turned their attention to the Riders. This apparently didn’t sit well with Kelly so he went out and signed a higher profile, more controversial kick returner… Pacman Jones! How do you like them apples Tillman?!
While Pacman is a household name in the NFL, he is a newcomer to the CFL world. With that in mind let’s get to know him a bit better in a new feature I lazily like to call Getting To Know…
Getting To Know… Pacman Jones
Name: Adam Bernard Jones
Nickname: Pacman (because as a kid he drank milk really fast)
Accomplishments: 6th Overall Pick in 2005 NFL Draft, Former TNA Wrestling Tag Team Champion
Secret Talent: Budding hip hop star as one half of the soon to be rap sensation Posterboyz
Hobbies: Public intoxication, recreational drug use, yelling at valets who make him wait for his car, spitting on women, betting on college games, getting suspended from the NFL and assaulting strippers
Pet Peeve: When strippers assume they get to keep the $80,000 you shower them with.
So based on the information above let’s predict how Pacman will fare with his new team.
- His employment in professional football despite numerous suspensions show just how resilient he is
- His wrestling experience clearly indicates that he’s a team player… one of championship caliber to boot.
- His tendency for spitting on and assaulting women… well that can’t be a good sign but I guess 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.
While many are questioning the logic in this move, I’m gonna go ahead and assume it has something to do with their current kick returner being James Johnson and therefore they were in need of a massive upgrade (that’s right I cleverly turned a Pacman Jones story into a James Johnson burn).
With the Bombers coming to town, I would recommend that any news reporter looking for a good story camp out outside of Dancers (or inside, but only if you’re very very brave). Though I wonder if Jones will truly grasp how far his career has fallen when he’s beating up a stripper from one of the lowest forms of gentlemen’s clubs around for taking his roll of loonies?