Thursday, July 2, 2009

Official 2009 Prophecies

‘Twas but days before kickoff and all through the air
All that could be heard was sounds of despair.
The Riders just had their two best seasons in years
But that did little to allay the fans' fears.
The coaches were working with vets and unknowns
While the trainers pushed calcium to prevent more broken bones.
When at the last minute, who should stagger by?
A bearded prognosticator reeking of rye!

Many big names are gone from last year’s team
Change is the only constant under this regime.
Gone Mo, Gone Kitwana - It makes me so sad.
Gone Johnson, gone Bishop… guess the news ain’t all bad.
But Eric’s hands have been busy signing new faces
Though allegedly those hands have been other places.
And for that he found himself on a leave with pay
Did he touch her from behind, who am I to say?

This season will be Durant's big chance to shine
While many are worried, I think we’ll be fine.
It won’t always be pretty but he’s got weapons galore
Dressler, Clermont, Fantuz, there’s no way we don’t score.
With Geno and Smith out the O-line will be new
But Parenteau will be awesome and Belton will too.
Hugh Charles will do fine until Wes Cates get’s back
Get ready for a very potent offensive attack.

Defense is a question mark but it sure won’t be plain
Mainly because Etch is quasi-insane.
Success won’t come quickly, it will take some time
But by midseason the D will be in their prime.
Our schemes will be unorthodox but that’s how it goes
Watch Baggs wreak havoc despite his pigeon toes.
Patrick at safety will pick off more than a few
And Sean Lucas will get recognition that's long overdue.
Kavis Reed controls Special Teams and he ain’t no schmuk
I have a feeling for once our kick returns won’t suck.

Our start won’t be pretty and fans will distress
“We want Printers and Dinwiddie!” they will obsess.
But we’ll climb back to 500 by our Labour Day feud
Unless we keep getting injured… in which case we’re screwed.
A late season hot streak will turn the tide
On a wave of momentum the team will ride.
In terms of our record, I must confess
For the past 2 years I’ve had the same guess.
Same prediction again? what could be the harm?
11 – 7! (3rd time's the charm).

With a 2nd place finish we’ll be playoff bound
To play BC at Mosaic’s hallowed ground.
Without Bishop to stop us, this time we’ll succeed
A last minute TD will give us the lead.
Rider Nation will once again be jolly
Clermont will be the hero and give the finger to Wally.
Then on to Calgary to take on the champs
This kills me to say, but we’ll lose to the Stamps.
We’ll exceed expectations but fall short on that day
We're not quite ready to go all the way.

So there’s my predictions for the upcoming season
But if you’re skeptical it is with good reason.
For as history will show there’s no reason to dismay
A third of what’s written will be wrong anyway.


Cousin Clem said...

That was beautiful Prophet, gave me chills, made the hair stand up on the back of my neck, shed a tear and laughed out loud.

Well done! (Must have been some rye influence in there.)

Anonymous said...

Calgary is going to lose Burris to injury, then they're done, and we win it all!

Cousin Clem said...

Lumsden didn't even make it through the first quarter last night.

Rider Prophet said...

Anon - I hope you're right

Clem - That made my night! We all knew Lumsden was going to get hurt eventually but I don't think anyone expected he wouldn't make it out of the first quarter. Don't worry though Lumsden is NOT injury prone... he said so himself.