Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Labour Day Classic: Riders vs. Bombers

Rider Prophet here with all the news that is news across the Rider nation.

Well the annual Labour Day Classic is less than 4 days away and Sunday can't come fast enough. After having to endure close to 2 weeks of no news, I can finally talk Rider football again! Seriously, I was so deprived of sporting news this past week that I caught myself watching tennis, hoping something exciting would happen that I could write about in my blog (let's just say I quickly found out why I'm the Rider Prophet and not the Wimbledon Prophet). But all is well in the world again as the Riders began practicing yesterday for Sunday's clash with the Bombers.

For the first time ever, the Labour Day Classic will feature the best team in the west vs. the best team in the east. This is an amazing bit of trivia until you consider that Winnipeg has only been in the east for 15 of the 40 Labour Day Classics as well as the fact that Winnipeg was never really good enough to be in 1st place to begin with. Nonetheless, it should be a great game as the CFL's top defense goes head to head with the CFL's best offense.

While the bye week made fans like me bored to tears it did help on the injury front for the Riders. We should see a few familiar faces back on the field come Sunday. The more I think about our injuries the more amazing it is that we are the best team in the CFL. Consider that we've been without: the best O-lineman in the CFL (1 game), the best DB in the league (5 games) another starting DB (2 games) a starting DT and DE (1 and 8 games respectively) and our back-up D-lineman (2 games). That's like climbing a mountain with 1 arm, a broken leg, scurvy and indigestion.

Speaking of familiar faces, it has been confirmed Corey Holmes will make his Riders re-debut as our kick returner. In Austin's own words "They would have run me out of town if I didn't". The energy at Mosaic will be off the charts: a sold-out crowd, cheering on a 1st place team, with Holmes returning the kick. If Doug Berry has any brains he will not let Holmes get within 40 yds of the opening kickoff.

Here are a couple Bomber jokes in the spirit of Labour Day:

Q: What do you call a Bomber fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted

Q: What do you get when you put 12 Bomber cheerleaders in one room?
A: A full set of teeth

I'd like to end today's post by clearing up some common misconceptions about people from Winnipeg. I feel this is particularly appropriate this week, since "mis-conception" is probably a pretty accurate explanation for why Winnipegers are like they are in the first place.

1) The average Winnipeg resident has 6.7 teeth.
FALSE: The average number of teeth clinging to the gums of your average Winnipeg resident is, in fact, unknown. While the general consensus is that it is well below the full set of 32 you would expect to find, researchers are yet to locate a Winnipeg dentist that has been able to devise a method of holding a patient's mouth open while still keeping the necessary number of fingers available to count past five. Further complicating the problem is that dentists capable of this feat (presumably those not native to the Manitoba capital) refuse to come within ten feet of a Winnipeger's mouth due to olfactory concerns.

2) The average Winnipeg resident does not know the meaning of the word 'olfactory'.
FALSE: A recent University of Manitoba survey indicated that 8 out of 10 Winnipeg residents were familiar with the term 'olfactory'. The same study shows a roughly 50/50 split as to whether the city benefited or suffered as a result of shutting it down to make room for the new factory.

3) 95% of Winnipeg males ages 13-19 have, at one time or another, found themselves uncontrollably attracted to their cousin.
FALSE: This statistic is largely outdated. While it may once have been true, research suggests that it has not held true for well over a generation. It seems that as a result of a shockingly high level of inter-family relationships, the cousins that today's Winnipeg youth would have historically lusted after are now, technically speaking, their sisters. It's a semantics thing.

That's it for now. This is the Rider Prophet wishing you a good Labour Day Weekend (unless you're from Winnipeg, in which case kindly spend all your money and leave town immediately).

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