Sunday, August 28, 2011

Monday Morning Sentimonies: Potential Award Winners

Since the Riders are coming off a bye and there really isn’t anything new to talk about I had every intention of doing today’s post on the year end award categories and which Riders were the front runners. That idea pretty much fell flat when I tried to come up with an honest answer to who is our top Canadian and our top Special Teams player are given that “not applicable” is not an option.

So since the Riders’ chance of winning any actual awards ranks somewhere below the Blue Jays chance of making the post season, I decided a new approach was needed. At the recommendation of Mrs Prophet, I decided instead to invent a bunch of awards that the Riders actually deserve.

So without further adieu, allow me to present the inaugural Rider Prophet midseason Rider awards for outstanding achievement in the field of futility.

The Nathan Hoffart Memorial Award
Awarded to the Canadian receivers who most exemplifies the qualities of a high draft pick to accomplish nothing and eventually find his way permanently onto the injured reserve.

Winner: Jordan Sisco

The Loch Ness Monster Award
Awarded to the Rider player who according to myth exists but few people ever see and whose existence is actually in great doubt.

Winner: RJ Roberts, who never existed on the Riders’ roster until just before the Toronto game though he had allegedly been in town for months. Complicating matters was the fact that Roberts got hurt early in that game and has not been seen or heard from since... maybe he never really existed?

The Money For Nothing Award
Awarded to the player whose tenure with the team seems inversely proportional to his actually contributions to the team.

Winner: Aaron Fairooz, who is midway through his second season with the team despite the fact that the only thing he appears to be good for is making sure Ivan Gutfriend’s skills don’t get rusty.

The Going Out Of His Way To Avoid Regina Award
Awarded to the player who takes increasingly farfetched and irrational steps to avoid signing with the team who drafted him.

Winner: Matt O’Donnell, who tried to live out his hoop dreams by trying out for the Boston Celtics and then further lowered himself by trying out for the Toronto Raptors (evidently he didn’t know that they only like people who come from Europe). Then once his hoop dreams faded he made another desperate attempt at avoiding the Riders by signing with the Cincinnati Bengals. Honestly the Celtics have a better chance at winning the Super Bowl that then Bengals.

The New Coke Award
Awarded to the player who is arrives with off the charts hype only to become a massive flop.

Winner: Terrence Nunn.

The Just Because I Can Hatred Award
Awarded out of spite to the player who tops the Rider Prophet’s Hatred list.

Winner: Ryan Dinwiddie... my blog my rules, he sucks!

The Jason Armstead Wannabe Award
Awarded to the player who tries to set the record for most teams played for in the same season.

Winner: Luc Mullinder, he’s on team #3. With a little more effort he can knock off the remaining East Division teams. Maybe he should try waving a gun at his girlfriend, that always seemed to work for Armstead.

The Walking Billboard Award
Awarded to the player who manages to turn a back-up spot into a tremendous advertising opportunity.

Winner: Jason Clermont, from a football standpoint, his return to Saskatchewan has been pretty disappointing but from an entrepreneurial standpoint it’s been a resounding success. Every token catch he makes translates into new real estate customers.

1 comment:

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