Friday, October 15, 2010

Racist, Boob Loving Riders vs. Conspiracy Victim Stampeders

The biggest regular season game of the year is upon us. A showdown between the top 2 teams in the west with the season series and likely 1st place on the line. The funny thing is that despite the stakes of this game, very little time is being spent discussing the game itself. Instead all the talk continues to be about Hooty McBoob... aka Henry Burris.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past month, you’ve no doubt seen the infamous pictures of Henry Burris in a bra with some random chick who is also in her bra. According to Burris he was “tricked” into taking off his shirt and putting a bra on at the Birthday Bachelor Party for Cancer research. I’ve already dedicated an entire post to making fun of Burris’ unbelievably bad excuse and his blatant stupidity, so I wasn’t planning on rehashing all of that today... that was until I read Burris’ latest comments.

Instead of just quietly letting this embarrassing story run its course, Burris decided to pour more gas on an already raging fire by once again blaming rider fans (because clearly it’s our fault that he was dumb enough to get photographed in a bra). He went on to say that people are trying to make it like Brett Favre showing his ding-a-ling... this is of course a textbook attempt at deflecting while incorporating the vocabulary of a 3 year old. “I may have worn a bra but at least I’m not as bad as that guy”. Besides, when you break every passing record imaginable you should be able to show your junk to whoever you want.

As bad as that was he saved the best for last by alleging that Rider fans have made racist comments against him. Another bonafide deflection tactic... play the race card. Let’s all just forget that Burris is a dumbass and feel sorry for him because everyone in Saskatchewan is a racist towards him. Memo to Henry we don’t make fun of you because of the colour of your skin. We make fun of you because you are a dumbass. If an Asian QB made as many embarrassing on-field errors as you I would make fun of them. If Puerto Rican QB got caught posing for pictures in a bra and then tried making a lame excuse. I would make fun of them. If a smurf wept openly while trying to explain the deep meaning in the lyrics of “We are the champions”, I would make fun of them. The whole thing reminds me a lot of this...

Now onto the game. As I said, the stakes in this game are bigger than the gap in Burris’ teeth (well okay maybe not that big). Winner will have the inside track on finishing 1st in the west and getting a first round playoff bye. Both teams are coming off bitter loses and looking to redeem themselves.

Statistically the Stamps still have the best offense and defense in the league. That said, as Montreal proved last week and we proved in our last meeting, the Stamps are far from invincible. They seem to be an all or nothing team. When they are on their game they play at an elite level and look like an unstoppable force, the breast in the league... err I mean best (Freudian slip). When they aren’t they look like a booby reel... err I mean blooper reel on Sports Centre (sorry again, not sure what’s come over me).

The key to stopping the Stamps is to get to rattle them early. Score, force a turnover or even get a few solid hits Tits McGee himself. The Stamps can never seem to bounce back from early struggles. They fall apart quicker than a Henry Burris alibi. I know we usually don’t start playing good until we are down 10 points but that needs to change this week. We need to come out strong and rattle Burris and his lovely lady lumps.

As always Reynolds is the engine that drives the Stampeder O so eliminating him is priority #1. If we force Henry to try and be a hero he is likely to start handing out INTs like they were embarrassing photos.

Offensively, the deep middle is where the Stamps are most vulnerable as we proved last time. We need a strong areola attack... err I mean aerial. As long as the O-line can buy Durant some time he should be able to dissect the middle. Stamps have great run D but since we don’t bother running the ball it doesn’t really worry me. I would expect the Stamps to key in on Fantuz and likely Dressler too so guys like Clermont, Getzlaf and Bagg will need to step up and make plays. Hopefully Durant’s leg is in better shape than last week because we will need his mobility this week in order to evade the strong Calgary pass rush.

This game is as big as it gets the in the regular season, so our intensity in the stands should be off the charts. As much as Burris likes to deny it, the crowd can get to him, especially when things don’t go well on the field. Make no mistake about this will be an all out war that will go down to the wire. Yet another game that will dramatically shorten my life expectancy...

Riders by a Luca Congi FG.

One last note: if you plan on bringing bras to the game please ensure that they aren’t all white. A mixture of white, black, brown, yellow etc... would be best. Lest Burris accuse us yet again of being racist.


Craig W said...

I don't know why Burris is getting so fired up over these pictures with all the negativity towards Rider fans. Usually with him the cups are half full...

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