Monday Morning Sentimonies: Embarrassment In Edmonton

Riders 14 – Eskimos 17

The game started out exactly how we all expected. Riders built up a comfortable lead and managed to chase Ricky Ray from the game. But apparently the team only got as far as the end of the first quarter when they were game planning because the ensuing 45 minutes among the worst minutes of Rider football I’ve been subjected to recent memory. 47 scoreless minutes may be considered an exciting soccer game (well, not by me, but in general) but in football (aka a real sport) it is an embarrassment plain and simple.

It’s a sad state of affairs when your longest offensive play of a game comes in the first 5 minutes of the game… from your safety. But that’s exactly what happened when James Patrick picked off a pass from Ricky Ray that seemed to be intended for Lance Frazier and took it to the house. It was the first of 3 first INTs for Patrick (who is emerging as a star at the safety position) who played an outstanding game. Actually, I thought the defense as a whole played well. Other than some initial difficulty containing Zebranksy, they did their job. They allowed only 1 TD and the only reason that happened was because a blocked punt gave the Esks the ball on the 8 yard line. They did everything they could including chasing 2 Eskimo QBs from the game so my hats off to the defense on a solid performance.

Actually the way the game was unfolding was giving me flashbacks to the ’07 Grey Cup. The heavily favoured Riders struggling offensively. The hopes of the other team placed on an inexperienced QB from Boise. One lone DB single-handedly having to win the game for the Riders. Only difference was that I actually respected the hero DB this time instead of wanting to go slam my head against a wall repeatedly every time I heard who got the INT.

The rest of the team however, played like absolute garbage. While there were so many craptacular performances, I would like to focus on 3 in particular. The first craptacular performance is the most obvious… Darian Durant. Last year, Durant spent the bye week in the film room and it turned out to be the turning point of his season. This year he did the same but it seems to have had the complete opposite effect. He looked brutal out there. This has led me to wonder if someone accidentally switched the game film he was supposed to be studying with the Best of Nealon Greene circa 2005, Man In the Bush doing the charleston or possibly this…

Double D was forcing throws, making poor reads/decisions and lacked the confidence and leadership he has become famous for.

The 2nd craptacular performance I would like to mention is Doug Berry. Now admittedly Durant’s poor execution may have made our offensive game plan look worse than it was but still, it was pretty bad. There were just so many glaring problems with our schemes. Edmonton’s run defense is brutal yet we were unable to take advantage. Cates had some early success but when the Esks adjusted and plugged up the middle we refused to change anything. We just kept running Cates up the middle into a pile of defenders. We made no attempt to bounce him outside. We also didn’t use Durant’s legs at all. It was mind boggling how we refused to attack their greatest weakness.

Also, the whole “Make our worst receiver the focal point of your passing attack in an attempt to make him feel like a big boy again” was just ridiculous. I’ll even put aside my blatant hated of Rodriguez for a minute (and the fact that he served up an easy INT)… fact remains pound for pound he is at best our 3rd best receiver (personally I’d rank him 5th behind Getzlaf and Clermont but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt here). Even more infuriating than our over reliance on Rodriguez is the miss-guided ways we are using him. He is a tall receiver who is a natural WR since he can stretch the field and beat DBs for jump balls… at least that’s how a logical coach would do things. But Berry seems to have determined that 95% of Rodriguez’s routes should be quick screens and short crossers. Which makes complete sense since it allows him to use none of his physical attributes to his advantage. All Prechae really has going for him are his physical attributes (it’s certainly not his effort or ability to fight for the ball) but we refuse to use them to our advantage. Might as well just put Clermont out there and appease the masses if that’s all you are going to ask of your wideout.

The last craptacular performance I will mention is Jim Daley (a repeat offender in the field of craptacularness). Blocked punt – check. Non-existent return game – check. Blocking scheme that seems to involve our blockers pretending they are matadors and letting every opposing player get a free shot at our return guy – check. Remind me again why this guy is still employed. When pretty much every aspect of your special teams is terrible and a liability shouldn’t that be a sign that maybe the guy who coordinates it all is to blame? Sure our coverage on kicks is good but if that is what is considered acceptable for a special teams coordinator we might as well just give the job back to Alex Smith. He managed to field good coverage and poor returns without all the embossing failures that Daley brings to the table.

There is no way we should have lost that game. Edmonton didn’t play that well we just managed to suck more than they did. Hopefully getting humbled by a bottom dwelling team will serve as a wake-up call for this team. We have loads of talent and the potential to be an elite team but unless we start translating that into consistent performance in all 3 phases of the game we will never realize our potential.

The good news is that Labour Day is up next and the perfect cure for our current unhappiness is repeated insulting of our neighbours to the East… and all their uncle-daddy’s, sister-nieces and momma-goats.

Riders vs. Edmonton: Finally Some Football

It has now been 2 full weeks since the Riders last played. While I’m sure the players were grateful for the break, us fans were certainly not. For a football junkie such as myself, having to spend 2 Rider-less weeks is more excruciating than a Celine Dion/Justin Beiber marathon. I tried filling the void with pre-season NFL but that’s only good for about 6 plays. Then the starters call it a day and I steadily lose interest. I also tried filling the void with East Division CFL games… but again that only provided about 6 good plays.

Anywho, the long wait is finally over as the 5-2 Riders return to the field to take on the 1-6 Eskimos at Commonwealth Stadium. Over 45,000 tickets have already been sold for this game. No doubt the increased demand for tickets is coming from Edmontonians who want to support their team and rally behind them… oh hell I can’t even type that with a straight face! Rider fans are yet again set to descend on an opposing team’s stadium and turn it into a home game for the green and white.

The massive ticket sales for Saturday’s game is about the only thing going right for the Eskimo organization at this point. They have only won 1 game this season, they fired their GM, the names being floated around for a replacement GM include Ed Hervey and Warren Moon (who have absolutely no experience as a GM), they fired 2 assistant coaches, they want to fire their head coach but can’t because the other coaches they employ are far too inept to replace him with (so by default they are forced to keep him), their top receiver is hurt, their franchise QB is just coming back from injury and their only decent defender has cancer according to some reports… oh, check that, he is reported to be a cancer, my bad (wish I had clued into that before sending him that card). And that is just is a list of what is going wrong off the field. On the field, there is a whole new list of concerns.

While people in Edmonton seemed to be shocked by the sudden collapse of their storied franchise, people outside the organization have seen this coming for years. The day the salary cap came into effect, Edmonton’s days at the top became numbered. While other GMs adapted well to the cap and made the necessary roster adjustments to remain competitive, Maciocia’s big plan was to pay Ricky Ray a lot of money and assume he could carry a roster full of inexpensive and talentless players to victory. This plan failed miserably because though Ray was good, when he had no O-Line, run game, Canadian talent, defense or competent coaching to support him, he just couldn’t carry the whole team. The problem was further compounded because rather than recruiting and drafting talented players to address their weaknesses, the Esks simply assumed that throwing a truckload of money at an all-star MLB would fix everything. Again, though Lloyd was good, to the shock of the Eskimos he was not able to single-handedly make their crappy defense awesome, turn their piss poor Canadian content into something of value or make their coaches less retarded.

But enough about the myriad of reasons that the Eskimos are screwed, let’s talk about the game.

Simply put there is a lot wrong with the Esks. They have committed a league high 24 turnovers compared to a league low 10 takeaways. They have scored the 2^nd least points of anyone so far. They have allowed more points than anyone. They have atrocious run defense (allowing an average of 164 yds per game). They have the 2^nd least sacks and they have an O-line that is only slightly better than BC’s which isn’t really a compliment. It’s kinda like being an Asian among eunuchs.

But despite all this, they still aren’t a team that can be taken lightly. They have Arkee Whitlock who I think is one of the best RBs in the league. Last time Ricky Ray used Fred Stamps to shred our secondary. Stamps may be hurt but Ray still has Jason Barnes (who I think is an underrated receiver) and Kelly Campbell who is very dangerous… at least those rare time where he’s not freelancing, being lazy or just mentally checked out of a game.

The Riders get many favourable match-ups in this contest. Our league leading rushing attack gets to face an embarrassingly bad run D. Our potent offensive attack gets to face a defense that gets scored on more often than a drunk girl with low self esteem. Our sack happy defense gets to face an O-line that must have some personal vendetta against Ricky Ray given the amount of time they let defenders through.

Defensively the keys to the game are stop the run and get pressure. I know we got shredded through the air last game but the key to beating the Esks is to make them one dimensional. If we can take Whitlock out of the equation it will allow our pass rushers to pin their ears back and attack the QB. Their O-line sucks and I’m convinced Ricky Ray is coming back too soon so if we can get a few good hits in on him, the passing game will quickly start to crumble. Ricky Ray loves the short passes… actually its pretty much all he can do anymore. Interesting stat for you: Ray is completing close to 70% of his passes but is 5^th in passing yards and has less TDs than any QB who doesn’t wear an orange jersey. Ray is extremely risk averse. We need tight coverage on the short-medium routes which will force Ray to either make bad passes or hold the ball longer allowing our pass rush to get there.

Offensively, we need to exploit their inability to stop the run. We need to go to Cates early and often to chew up yards and move the chains. Durant’s ability to run will be a difference maker in this game as well. I see 1 rushing TD or 2 in store for him. Fresh off a week in the film room, Durant’s reads and decision making should be improved. As long as he doesn’t turn the ball over, the ground game should open things up for our receivers. Whichever crappy safety the Esks decide to start should be very exploitable.

The Esks can be dangerous but their O-line and their defense as a whole are just too big of a weakness to overcome against a talented team like the Riders. While I expect them to come out motivated to play and to play a decent game, bottom line is … Eskimos Suck! (which coincidentally is the title of a weird fetish movie that Man In The Bush just purchased off the internet…though I would have preferred if he had not shared that information with me).

Riders by 10.

Monday Morning Sentimonies: More Merchandising!

Normally my Monday post would talk about the CFL games this past weekend. But the Riders were on a bye week so there’s nothing to talk about for them. As for the 2 games that did occur, they weren’t really much to talk about. In case you missed them here’s a quick summary:

Calvillo got so hurt that they needed to wrap him in a medical blankie and wheel him to the hospital. Chris Leak came in an embarrassed himself by overusing the Gator Chomp celebration. Fortunately, the Bombers’ receivers managed to embarrass themselves far worse by forgetting that they were playing football and instead using some sort of weird volleyball-like technique when the ball came their way and Montreal cruised to an easy victory. The Argo/Ti-Cat game was a sorry excuse for a football game and was “highlighted” by the Argos offesne which was based entirely on the check down to Andre Durie; Barker not knowing the rules; and Lin-J Shell spiting on someone. All around not a banner week for the CFL. The only other notable thing was that in an effort to shore up their atrocious O-line the BC Lions have signed recently cut OL Joe McGrath. Then again this could just be a ploy by Wally to get a first round pick out of the Eskimos by trading McGrath back to Edmonton.

Anywho, since the on-field action wasn’t all that great I thought I’d take this opportunity to address an important off-field topic… merchandising. More specifically the ridiculous state of Rider merchandising.

Ever since the Grey Cup win in ’07, the Riders have been shattering records for merchandise sales. Rider gear is flying off the shelf as fast as they can stock it. At first it was the standard jerseys, hats and t-shirts but as demand for Rider gear increased so to did the diversity of the Rider product line. While I’m all for the proliferation of Rider gear across the country and the massive revenues it means for the team, I think things may be getting a bit crazy.

Hats and shirts are one thing but now there a Rider bathroom sets, hammers, breakfast cereal, things to cook Rider logos onto your freaking burgers and hotdogs, windshield washer fluid, lotions/shower gels. It’s gotten to the point where the marketing department is pretty much sticking a Rider logo on whatever pops into their head… but it’s working like a charm because people keep buying it. I am convinced that if Health Canada wants immunization rates to increase, all they would have to do is stick a Rider logo on their syringes and offer Rider Immunizations. I guarantee it would lead to unprecedented demand.

A quick walk through the Rider store will probably have you convinced that they’ve now got pretty much every Rider product imaginable available but that’s where you are wrong my friend.

In a Rider Prophet exclusive, here’s a look and upcoming Rider products that will soon be hitting store shelves.

Rider Brand Multivitamins

Rider Ravioli Crimper


Rider Pitchfork
Whether you are cleaning out the barns or joining an impromptu lynch mob. The Rider Pitchfork is a must for any Saskatchewan resident.

Roughrider Peanut Butter

Available in Smooth or… Chunky Adams

Gary Etcheverry Edition ImodiumImagine the commercial. “To stop runs of the field I use blitzes. To stop the runs off the field I use Imodium.”

Rider Home Pregnancy Test

Rider Yarmulke

For all the devout Hebrew Rider Fans out there.

Rider Communion Waffer

Because this blog can never contain too much blasphemy.

Rider Lettuce

What? … It’s green

Lady Rider Moustache Remover

What Rider items would you like to see?

Rider Celebrity Look-alikes Goes Hip Hop

Regular readers will know how big of a fan of Frontlyne I was and how I have been petitioning for a new Frontlyne for a while now. Well based on how closely some of our players resemble rappers I think we might just have the personnel to make new Frontlyne a reality.

Take Prechae Rodriguez who looks eerily like Ol Dirty Bastard... god rest his soul (well maybe not god but you know)


He can be joined on stage by Dominique Dorsey aka P Diddy.


Completing the hip hop trio will be Willie Byrd, who can easily pass for Lil' Wayne


We could even bring back Denatay Heard to add some Mos Def to our New Frontlyne.

How about a musical collaboration that spans many genres? We can just invite Cary Koch to come rock out Bon Jovi style.


This last one has nothing to do with music (though I assume the celebrity featured was a mean rapper) but its just too funny not to include.

Nelson Martin and Ghandi

Monday Morning Sentimonies: Tuesday Afternoon Edition

My apologies for the lateness of this post. As Media Consultant so kindly pointed out (thanks jerk), the game was Thursday and here we are close to a week later and I’m only now getting around to writing about it. That’s bad even for me. I’d feel bad but as they say you get what you pay for. So unless anyone is prepared to step up with bags of money or the preferred non-descript briefcase full of non-sequential bills, lets just forget about my tardiness and move on.

Riders 37 – BC 13

Man oh man does BC suck. I mean I’ve seen teams suck before but they were they suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked… at least until Edmonton took to the field on Sunday and further lowered the bar.

As per usual it took our offense a while to start clicking but once it did they looked like the intimidating force we have been expecting. It’s amazing how much Durant having the energy to run the ball improves our offense. He didn’t put up the huge numbers we have become accustom to but he scored nothing but majors so I’ll take that over stats any day. His INT total continues to climb but at least they weren’t bad picks this time. The first one Getzlaf should have caught even though it was high and the 2^nd was clearly a miscommunication between him and Dressler.

As expected our defense feasted on a bad O-line and an idiot QB. The one thing that amazed me about BC was their decision to stop running the ball in the second half. Robertson and Davis were shredding us along the ground and the Lions were very much in the game after the Davis TD but they inexplicably went away from the run at that point… no doubt due to the exceptional play of Jarious and the top notch pass protection he was being afforded. I’m not sure if Wally has just mentally checked out for the year or whether he’s actually going senile but for being the all-time winningest coach in CFL history he sure has been making some weird decisions of late.

How about Jerrell Freeman?! Sure it was against the worst pair of tackles in the league but you’ve got to be impressed with his showing. He managed to blow through the line like Lindsay Lohan blows through a line of coke. I thought Lance Frazier finally played a decent game (hopefully he can do that more often). James Patrick was solid as usual. I particularly like his determination to run his INT back for a TD even though he could just have easily gone down and effectively ended the game. Atta boy JP, way to pad those stats.

I knew BC’s O-line was bad and I knew they were poor blockers but I had no idea that they were in fact functionally retarded. As evidence of this look no further than Dean Valli who served up my favourite play from the entire game (and one that pretty much sums up BC’s season so far).

Faced with 2^nd and long deep in their own end, the Lions astutely called a screen to Robertson. Ball was snapped, he swung out, O-lineman in tow… so far so good. It was at this point that things went terribly wrong. Dean Valli (you know the OL who was supposed to be blocking for Robertson) for reasons I can’t even fathom, decided to be a hero and catch the pass intended for Robertson. He then immediately realized his error and covertly handed the ball off to Robertson and tried to pretend like nothing happened. There are so many questions about that play. Why was Valli behind the RB he was supposed to be blocking for? When he clearly knew the call was a screen to the RB, how did he manage to screw it up? Why did an O-lineman even consider catching a ball? How did he manage to dress himself given his obvious mental deficiencies? Is there a Special Olympics sponsored football league that Valli can be sent to?

Other random thoughts on the game…

- I thought Dorsey ran well (despite the shortcomings of our blocking scheme).

- Shomari Williams is developing quite nicely.

- Rob Bagg is tough as nails!

- I have never in my life thought that anything Nik Lewis said had and value but he was right about the low tackling Lions. That’s all they do. I did love when Cates easily leaped over the low tackling DB for his 2^nd TD though.

- Thanks to his black sleeves, Ryan Dinwiddie managed to sneak into the game without me noticing… at least until he attempted to pass the ball, then there was no mistaking him.

- BC sucks… did I mention that yet?

A convincing win over a weak division rival heading into the bye week is a great position to be in. We are headed into the bye week with no major injuries and provided the Szarka’s don’t decide to remodel again this week we should emerge without any. That means the team can use the bye week to rest their bumps and bruises can get rested up and revitalized for the next portion of the season.

Around the CFL…

By far my favourite story over the past few days has been the kicking drama in Winnipeg. First the finally decided to cut Alexis Serna (2 years too late but I digress) and sign Louis Sakoda. But Sakoda ended up being a last minute scratch leaving the Bombers scrambling for a kicker just before game time.

Following the game, the team took steps to ensure they would not be without a kicker again and invited pretty much any kicker who would field their calls to sign with them. What they ended up with a competition between a veritable whose who of rejected CFL kicker: Warren Keane (Eskimo draft bust who’s yet to accomplish anything of value), Ryan Elaschuk (training camp casualty of the Riders) and Justin Palardy (fresh off kicking himself out of a job in Hamilton). Honestly the only thing missing from this illustrious competition is Troy Westwood, the Wendy’s Kick for a Million guy, Alexis Serna disguised in a fake moustache and a horse. My money would be on the horse.

Monday Morning Sentimonies: So Very Lazy

As you can see I didn't manage to write a post today. I'd make an excuse but I'm even too lazy for that. Check back tomorrow to see if I've mustered up the energy.

Riders vs. Lions: I Smell A Sick Day Coming On

Thursday the 4-2 Riders take on the 1-5 Lions in front of a sell-out crowd at Mosaic Stadium. Hopefully you are like me and have taken the liberty of taking Friday off work. Barring that you should either be laying the ground work for a sick day (a cough here, a sniffle there, subtle comments about your throat beginning to feel soar) or be working on one heck of an excuse as to why you will be absent from work. Now the Rider Prophet does not officially encourage abuse of sick leave or lying to your boss… but since you are probably going to do it anyway I would recommend going with one of the following… religious holiday (i.e. the 3^rd day of Ramadan or International Left Handers Day), some sort of bowel or digestive problems (people tend not to ask many questions about that) or just tell them you could come to but you can’t seem to locate your pants so it would probably be in everyone’s best interests for you to stay home until you do.

Anywho, onto the game.

The Lions come into this game on a 5 game losing streak. They have not won since they beat the equally as inept Eskimos in week 1. Their losing streak started off with beat down at home by the Riders and their list of problems has seemed grow each week since.

Topping their list of problems is the fact that they have thusfar fielded a collection of failures at QB. They started off with a guy whose amazing athleticism and mobility was supposed to compensate for his idiocy… but he lost his mobility when he got hurt and was left with just his idiocy. So they tried going with a young prospect who was supposed to be the 2nd coming of Dave Dickenson… but he was more like the 2^nd coming of Jimmy Kemp and was so comically inept that he was deemed to be a bigger failure than the idiot cripple he was supposed to replace. So now they have to resort to the same thing they do every year at about this time… Jarious Jackson. As I’ve said in the past, I consider Jackson to be only a slightly more intelligent Michael Bishop. He’s mobile, has a cannon for an arm but his intellectual capacity is only 3 steps above what is considered functionally retarded (hence why he is slightly more intelligent that Bishop).

Compounding their issues at QB is the fact that they are fielding a poor excuse for an O-line. They keep trying different combinations but the result is always the same… pass protection that is next to non existent (no one has given up more sacks) and a run game this is slipping further and further into oblivion (close to half of BC’s rushing yards came in the first game).

Not surprisingly a carousel of poor QBs and a sad excuse for an O-line has led to the least potent offense in the CFL. Seriously, people who play Dungeons and Dragons in their mom’s basement score more often than the Lions. But to Buono’s credit he is taking action to address his lack of a credible QB and terrible O-line… by cutting his second leading receiver (Derick Armstrong). Seems about right.

Despite all that is going wrong with BC, we can’t afford to take them lightly. They actually have fairly decent defense overall. They are the 3^rd best against the pass and have allowed the 3^rd least points. They feature ball hawks like the ever dangerous Korey Banks as well as Ryan Phillips and Dante Marsh. They lead the league in sacks… though their pass rush won’t likely be as powerful now that Aaron Hunt is on the 9-game. Their major weakness on D is stopping the run where they are 2^nd worst in the league.

Key to the game offensively is limit mental errors. We have offensive weapons galore and talent to burn, we just haven’t been executing consistently. We should have walked all over the Als D last week but the combination of ill advised passes and key drops hurt us. BC has playmakers on D but we should be able to move the ball on them. Cates should have a big game and be the engine that drives our offense. Provided our O-line can buy him some time, a healthier Durant should be able to attack the BC secondary like that undercooked chicken attacked his intestines.

Defensively we need 2 things. 1 – pass rush. BC’s O-line is terrible so there is no excuse for not getting constant pressure and disrupting Jarious’ passes. 2 – Defend the pass. Jackson has a strong arm and good receivers (Simon, Arceneaux, other Jackson) which is somewhat unsettling given that we currently boast the worst pass defense in the league. The good news is that unlike the other QBs who have shredded our secondary (Calvillo, Ray, Glenn), Jackson is not now, nor has he ever been, known for his accuracy. If our coverage is tight we should see a pick or 2, particularly if Patrick is on his game. Robertson doesn’t really scare me except for the fact that he is a scoring machine on those rare occasions where Lulay fluked out and managed to get the ball into the redzone.

While switching Lulay for Jackson does improve the Lions, it’s not going to be enough to overcome the myriad of issues facing this team. The Riders make a bunch of bad mistakes in Montreal and still almost beat the league’s best team. The Lions are nowhere close to as good as the Alouettes so I expect a dominating performance from the Riders much like when they met in week 2. It won’t be a complete blow-out but…

Riders by 14.

Around the CFL…

The stadium debate in Hamilton is taking some very interesting turns. Faced with the mayor’s insistence on a location for a new proposed stadium that the Ti-Cats think is stupid, owner Bob Young has pulled out of the process completely meaning that unless something changes, the Ti-Cats will have nowhere to play once their lease at Ivor Wynne expires after next season. Rumours have since popped up that the Ti-Cats have a deal with Quebec City in the works. I would hate to see the Ti-Cats leave Hamilton, I mean Les Quebec Chat-Tigres just doesn’t have the same ring to it. Plus adding a beret to the cat on the logo would kind of eliminate all the toughness that used to be attributed to the team from Steeltown.